...it's not dark yet, but it's gettin' there...
Twenty-five bucks will get you this device, which will do what you might normally do by counting "one hippopotomus, two hippopotomus" for free.
Comes in blue or red! What will they think of next?
Doh Doh!
This video is captioned "Jordanian Special Forces on an exercise."
Not quite as impressive as it was intended to be.
Update: Watch that dude in the back of the truck. That had to have been fatal.
December 9, 2004: I post a poem I wrote about Jerry Orbach.
December 28, 2004: Jerry Orbach dies.
Coincidence? You tell me.
March 4, 2006: I post a review of Butterflies Are Free, starring Edward Albert.
September 22, 2006: Edward Albert dies.
Coincidence? Who knows?
November 18, 2005: I call Steve Irwin a goofball in a post about turtles.
September 4, 2006: Steve Irwin is killed by a stingray, which is a distant relative of the turtle.
Coincidence? Is this starting to freak you out?
September 27, 2006: I write a post about Screech from Saved By The Bell.
November 15, 2006: Slater from Saved By The Bell is eliminated from Dancing With The Stars.
Coincidence? Maybe. But maybe it's not. Did you ever think about that?
Rosie O'Donnell is a perfect example of the psychological defense mechanism known as "cognitive dissonance." Here's what she's written in the last few days in response to questions posed at her "Ask Ro" site.
Teresa writes:There is no convincing one who has abandoned all reason and logic in exchange for fear and superstition. It's ironic that she has the nerve to criticize religion.Hey Ro!
I live in No CA and guess what? The freeway near the Bay Bridge is going to be open sooner than expected…Why? Because the steel didn’t melt!!
Hmmmm……… Love ya![Rosie:]
hmmm
and the concrete didnt pulverize. . .
Jami writes:
Hey Rosie… you should send those who doubt the 9/11 stuff to watch the videos on Youtube about WTC7 falling… maybe that will make them believe what you are saying!!!! Rock on girlfriend!!!!
[Rosie:]
yup
. . .
Kim writes:
Hey…just watched Loose Change. I didn’t know that 9 of the “hijackers” were found to be alive. Why haven’t I seen this until now? Did the media ever cover that? Loving you from Toronto!
[Rosie:]
the media did not
. . .
amy writes:
rosie- i am horrified. i just googled wtc7 & i am just sick. i have always thought there was more to the story than what the media was saying- but to see actual evidence is frightening. IMPEACH!!
[Rosie:]
go amy
. . .
Dan writes:
U said the last tower on 9/11 couldn’t have fallen by melting steel…it has never happened. Did the recent incident in California where freeway girders melted from a tanker truck change ur mind?
[Rosie:]
no
wtc7
google it. . .
Jan writes:
Can you explain how fire from an overturned oil tanker in San Francisco melted steel beams and bolts leading to the collapse of part of an interchange on Hwy I-80? But not on 9/11 you said.
[Rosie:]
watch wtc 7 fall
and tell me
it was not a controlled demolition45 stories
come on
. . .
CYNTHIA writes:
is it plausable that terrorists placed bombs in the WTC’s? y, but the real question is which terrorists,foreign or domestic? if u were a man the news would praise u 4 your views. they r full of shit!
[Rosie:]
loving cynthia
During an inadvertently risque moment, Governor Romney demonstrates his "technique" in response to a question by moderator Chris Matthews.
Last night I had my second dream in which Hillary Clinton appeared.
The first dream occurred about a month ago. In it, I was walking along a dirt path in a rural area. I hit the main road and began to walk down it when a large bus caravan drove by at high speed. There was one very strange looking bus, shaped like a flattened zigurat with wheels like inline skates, which leaned as it turned.
Suddenly the caravan came to a stop and I saw the Senator and the former President get out. I was astounded. They came up to me and introduced themselves, which was completely unnecessary. Bill didn't talk at all, but I was surprised to find that Hillary was extremely nice and personable, though a bit shy.
She asked me who I was supporting and I told her that I was a Republican, but that it was still a great honor to meet her and the President. The conversation sort of died out after that, but she remained very pleasant. I woke up wondering what the hell that dream was all about.
Last night I met her again, in some sort of narrow lobby crowded with people before an event. She apparently remembered me from the last time we'd met and seemed very happy to see me. We hugged and I told her that I really liked her, even though I couldn't vote for her. I also told her I had predicted on my blog that we'd know who the nominee was by Easter (not true in real life) and that it had been a pretty unusual race so far. Then she got kind of defensive and asked, "in what way?" I said, "well with the polls and stuff," realizing this might have been a sensitive subject. I woke up at that point.
I don't know what to make of these dreams. Hillary was very nice in both of them, completely different than I would expect. Plus I can't stand her in real life, so why do I like dream Hillary so much? It's weird that in waking life I actually follow Obama's campaign more closely and rarely give a thought to Hillary except when she fucks up in some way. I'm not known for precognitive dreams, though I don't believe it would be a stretch for my dreams to predict a Hillary win, even in the general. I think what it is is that Hillary symbolizes someone in my waking life, but I can't figure out who.
Great news for Titanic fans on this 95th anniversary of the sinking.
The amazing thing is that Leo signed on for this. And looks like Fred Thompson will make a cameo appearance too!
Here's Kiki Couric on today's anniversary of the American entry into World War I.
Did you catch that?
Listening between the lines, Kiki's message is this: If not for advances in modern medicine, over 413,000 Americans would have died fighting the Iraq war.
Am I reading too much into it? If it was anybody else, I might be, but this is the anti-American CBS News.
Things you can do when you have a country estate:
"Pretty unimpressive," he says? Now there's a dude with ambition.
Via Maximum Leader
The judge released the Astronut chick on bail because he didn't consider her a flight risk! In what universe is she not a flight risk?!?! Hellooooo!?!? She's a pilot. She can fly! By definition that makes her a flight risk.
And not only that, she's an astronaut. What's to stop her from getting into her spaceship and flying off to another planet tomorrow? Then the only way we could catch her is by sending a team of astronauts after her. And I doubt we have many astronauts trained in law enforcement.
This is a bad situation just waiting to happen. What if, for instance, she escapes to the moon? Would the cops/astronauts have jurisdiction there? Maybe at Tranquility Base, since that's U.S. territory. But what if she hides out in some other crater with a jug of water, some Tang and a box of Depends? We might never find her. I don't think her GPS bracelet is going to be much help on the moon.
Or what if she made it all the way to Mars? I'm sure there's no extradition treaty with the Martians, and they hate us anyway. Oh those Martians would jump at the chance to grant asylum for an ex-astronaut simply to embarrass us, like the French do with Roman Polanski. Those Martians think they're so superior, just because their orbit is bigger than ours.
I got Google TV, and they're paying me 40 large just to watch it.
Here's a screencap:
The only program available is some weird show with two aliens stacking boxes. It hurts my eyes a little, but it is kind of addicting. And anyways who cares, I'm getting paid 40 big ones to watch.
[I realize that by combining two extremely obscure references in the same post, the population of readers who will get it is basically nil.]
Oh, yeah! More Flirts!
(I wouldn't have done this if one of annika's 6MB readers hadn't mentioned 80's music. Blame him.)
UPDATE: A different video of this song (with the same lip-synching) can be found here and it's worth watching just for the way the male VJ totally checks out the girl sitting next to him.
In case you hadn't heard this story:
Sullivan, a 46-year-old builder from Stowe, was aboard the United Airlines flight on the second leg of his trip home from San Francisco, where he and his wife Helena had been visiting their sons. He awoke from a nap shortly before landing and noticed something strange.That's right, scorpions on a muhfukkin plane!"My right leg felt like it was asleep, but that was isolated to one spot, and it felt like it was being jabbed with a sharp piece of plastic or something."
The second sting came after the plane had landed and the Sullivans were waiting for their bags at the luggage carousel. Sullivan rolled up his cuff to investigate, and the scorpion fell out.
"It felt like a shock, a tingly thing. Someone screamed, 'It's a scorpion,'" Sullivan recalled. Another passenger stepped on the two-inch arachnid, and someone suggested Sullivan seek medical help.
He scooped up the scorpion and headed to the hospital in Burlington. His wife stopped at the United counter and was told the plane they were on had flown from Houston to Chicago. The Sullivans surmised the scorpion boarded in Texas.
"The airlines tell you can't bring water or shampoo on a plane," Helena Sullivan said. But the scorpion did make it aboard, she said.
In other Samuel L. Jackson related news, check out this awesome t-shirt.
t-shirt recommendation via Dawn.
Check out the Concourse of Hypocrisy.
Full disclosure: my old car gets at least 35 mpg without the benefit of a single bumper sticker.
h/t 6MB.
By the way, did anyone else see that lame Rob Lowe Christmas movie the other night? The ending was just about the stupidest ending conceivable. Anyways, Mike Novick was in it. He played Rob Lowe's father. I kept wanting him to say "mister president I urge you to reconsider..."
h/t Mr. Atoz
You may have seen this already if it's been on Drudge. If not, please note that it is not safe for work because it contains video of hott topless danish blondes.
This is a new advertising campaign to get Danish drivers to slow down while racing around Copenhagen in their rubber band powered euromobiles.
I love the dude in the turban who says "Denmark has redeemed itself!" Pretty funny. Although I'm not sure what gripe a Sikh might have had with the Danes.
When I was in Copenhagen, I didn't notice a big problem with speeders, at least not in the city center. Actually there's not really a lot of traffic, due to some pretty restrictive laws. Plus, if you get a ticket for speeding, I heard the policeman can collect the money right there.
More info at Zonka's.
h/t to visitor Mike C!
Here it is, a 25-point manifesto for the new Congress.
h/t var/log/otto
A boy got stuck inside a friggin' toy machine today! Can you believe it?
Crazy kids. Whattayagonnado?
After dropping $20 in quarters, Dad finally gave up 'cuz the stupid claw thing kept dropping the kid. "Those damn things are rigged," he was heard saying as he drove away in frustration.
Charles E. Cheese could not be reached for comment.
Developing.
Mark Fuhrman fires announcer for insensitive comments.
I know, I know, different guy, but still it's ironic.
P.S. This ain't the first time Lamar Thomas has embarrassed himself.
Wouldn't you know it? Somebody made an Annika action figure!
Introducing Agent Annika, member of an Operative Commando Unit so secret that few even know of its existence. Only known as Sub Five by a very few people. The name Sub Five refers to the clearance level need to access these elite forces. Alone or in large numbers these agents are lethal.That is cool! She comes in black, white, gray, red and blue outfits. But they need to make a blonde one.
So a small plane just happened to crash into a high rise residential building on Manhattan's Upper East Side? That's the story the government and the mainstream media have put forth.
I think it's interesting that there are no pictures of the actual plane. Look at the damage to the building. I think it's exactly the type of damage you'd see if it were hit by a missile, not a plane. I'm just saying, these are questions that need to be asked.
Also, what did Alec Baldwin know, and when did he know it?
You might say that there's no indication that this was an inside job, but if so, then what was this helicopter doing at the scene moments after the crash? Notice that there are no markings on the helicopter. Why not. Aren't all such craft required to have visible identification markings? (For instance the Enterprise is clearly marked NCC-1701.) And it's beige. Who paints a helicopter beige unless you're trying not to be noticed?
Also note the disproportionate SWAT team response. Almost as if they were trying to keep people away from the scene of the "accident." What are they trying to hide?
And only two dead? It's as if people were warned not to be in the building today. Certain people. I think you know what I mean. It is the Upper East Side, after all.
Like I said. These are interesting and unanswered questions, but don't expect the powers that be to investigate it properly. I just want to get to the truth, that's all.
Update: Cory Lidle?! I had him on my fantasy team a few years back, he did well for me. So the authorities would have us believe that a major league baseball pitcher piloted this plane into a building? I suppose they'll tell us he was distraught over the Yankees recent DCS loss. Come on! If they're going to concoct a cover narrative, at least make it believable.
Open your eyes America! Demand the truth! Ask questions! Why would a Yankee player be piloting an aircraft so close to Shea Stadium? Wouldn't it make more sense to be flying near the Bronx? Has anyone looked into George Steinbrenner's Middle East holdings? What are his ties to Halliburton? Or the Tri-lateral commission or Skull & Bones? Wake up people!
[part of a continuing series]
What does "turnkey" mean? I keep hearing it in radio advertisements, referring to a kind of business.
From Monsters & Critics:
[British Airways] has hit back at reports that more than 5,000 items of passenger luggage had gone missing since security measures were implemented at Heathrow airport.Isn't that a bit like saying, "She's not pregnant, She's just been separated from her virginity."There had been suggestions that up to 10,000 bags had been mislaid at the UK's busiest airport, and while a spokeswoman for the airline admitted that bags had been separated from their owners, they had definitely not been lost.
I bet I'm the only one here who watched (most of) it. I would have watched all of it, but thunderstorms rolled through the area and I lost the satellite signal for about ten minutes. Despite that, I had more fun last night than you did, unless you got some.
Truly, the show was a lot of fun. So what if it's another unreal reality show? Dress up as a Super Hero, get judged by Stan Lee, and if you win you'll be featured in your own Marvel comic book and SciFi channel movie. Why not? It beats the hell out of eating squid testicles for $10 grand anyday. Had I known about it, I would've given some consideration to trying out for it.
No need to recap the entire show; you can get better detail at the SciFi channel site. But I can discuss winners and losers.
Gonna be Among the First Six Booted
Not counting Levity (booted in the first ten minutes for being greedy not pure of heart), but counting Nitro G (booted at the end for changing into his costume in full view of everyone and not saving the crying girl), my picks for four of the next five to be booted are:
Tyveculus: Boring and forgettable. Cool costume, though.
Monkey Woman: Cries too much. Doesn't look anything like Raquel Welch in her fur bikini.
Creature: Annoying as all hell. Eats only raw food. Failed the purity test.
Lemuria: Boring. Might last a bit longer than I hope she does, because she always looks like she's going to fall out of her costume, if you catch my drift, and Stan Lee looks like a dirty old man. Also, she was one of the four to pass all tests. Such acuity might extend her life.
Most Likely to Make the Final Three
Major Victory: Has the right look. That is, it's embarrasing for normal people, but would look great in a comic book. Passed all tests last night. Has the schtick down pat and is fast with the Super Hero Quip: When the Iron Enforcer announced his weapon could do anything, Major Victory immediately asked, "Will it caulk a bathroom?"
Fat Momma: My personal favorite, and she'd be yours, too, if you watched. I mean, she's fat! She's a momma! She's saving the world one doughnut at a time! Plus, she already has an annoying theme song that's been going thru my head for hours: Fat Momma! Fat Momma! / I'm here to save the day! / Fat Momma! Fat Momma! / I'll take your food away! Like Major Victory, she passed all tests last night. Best Super Hero Line of the night: When saving the little girl, she told her not to worry, because, "Fat Momma's here!"
Cell Phone Girl: The last of the four to pass all tests. Has a great backstory, attitude, and personality. Don't think she'll win, but I think she'll go far. Best Super-Hero Action of the night: When she started helping the girl, she immediately reached for her cell phone. I thought she was going to dial 9-1-1, which would have been absolutely hilarious.
Dark Horse
The Iron Enforcer: Despite failing the Purity Test and the Rescue-The-Little-Girl test, I think he might make a serious run at the end. He looks like a Super Hero (Yes, ladies, he has the bod for it. Tough helmet, though.). He's always posing like a Super Hero. He's always in character. If he gets his act together and stops failing tests, he may well go far.
Who Wants to be a Super Hero? is on Thursdays at 9PM on SciFi. Don't miss it.
This has got to be a muhfukkin joke right?
Saudis Offered Scholarships for Aviation Courses in USI say again: WHUT THE FUCK?!JEDDAH, 20 June 2006 — The Ministry of Higher Education and the General Authority of Civil Aviation are offering scholarships to Saudi men and women to study various majors related to civil aviation in the United States.
The forms are available online at the ministry’s website until July 12 for both bachelor’s and post-graduate studies. Nominations will be announced on July 31. Interviews will take place in August and final scholarship winners will be announced on Sept. 2.
The scholarships are available in majors such as communications, electrical and computer engineering, computer science, systems analysis, air traffic control, flight safety, and other majors related to the airline transport industry.
Applicants for the bachelor’s program must have a minimum score of 85 percent in the science section and 90 percent in other sections, such as Qur’an memorizing, administrative and commercial sciences. [emphases mine]
Oh, I guess I shouldn't be xenophobic. Because Saudi universities are so well known for their pro-western curriculum. Student visas for everybody!
hat tip: Free Thoughts.
When defending class boundaries gets serious, muhfukka:
Providing an example of the harm that may be done through symbolic gentrification, Halnon cited Wooden and Blazak’s study of San Francisco gutter punks who took drastic measures to defend against "frat boys and pro athletes" who invaded their "symbolic turf" by appropriating body piercing as a style. One group of gutter-punks responded by cutting off their pinky fingers.Via gcruse."The extremity of such action may be understood as measure of the extreme value of symbolic territory for the socially and economically disenfranchised," notes Halnon.
I just discovered a mildly interesting new time-waster. Just when I need it most, at the start of finals.
It's called Yahoo! Answers. Okay, help me out here. One question posed by a member of the Yahoo! teeming millions is "Why do so many liberals drive imported cars?" I posted my answer, can you find it? And do you have your own theories to add?
I love this. It's hilarious. Unless you're with Sammy Davis Jr. or Peter Falk, I'm not sure this is the best idea. Might freak your man out if he happens to peek.
| Kissing by Paige | |||||||||||
| Ok, You want to kiss him but dont know what he wants to do? Well, while you are kissing, keep one eye slightly open. If his eyes are wide open-RUN!! Its obvious he is shocked and dosent want to be kissed. If he puts his tounge in your mouth, again keep one eye slightly open. Just go alone with it if he does end up tounge wrestling with you. And heres another tip. While you are kissing, and while you have your eye open, if he has his eyes closed and looks like hes really enjoying it, it means he could do that ALL DAY. And when you start to pull back, he will too. | |||||||||||
| Current Rating: 3.9 From 4502 votes. |
||||||||||
| Read more dating tips and post your own! | |||||||||||
Anyone who tries this, let me know if it works.
When will it end?
From The Wesleyan Argus:
'Death to the infidels who have committed this blasphemy against Allah!' shouted Lebanese Imam Rahim al-Safaar to a teeming crowd of enraged supporters. 'How dare they challenge the unrivaled supremacy of Jack and Ennis's torturous and passionate love! And that Ryan Phillipe, what a bi-yatch! Maybe you can put Reese's Oscar between your legs and pretend you've got a johnson! Seriously, did you guys see Cruel Intentions? He is so gay! But in that creepy ambiguous manipulative way, not in the repressed-cowboy way. Die, blasphemous scum!'Then on a more serious note, there's this.
"...the clerk handed the item back to the man and saw what she thought was a severed penis...
...
...the microwave will be discarded."
Via commenter, Radical Redneck.
Along the lines of my weird Tom Cruise dream, I had another crazy dream last night. Bea Arthur, Betty White and Estelle Getty were in it. They formed a rap group, calling themselves the Insane Bingo Posse. They had a huge following, much like the Dead or Phish used to have. All young people too. Somehow I found myself watching them at Shoreline Amphitheatre with my old friends from high school. Weird huh? I blame it on the dip from last night. We had some chips. We had some leftover sour cream. We were hungry. So we decided to make some dip. There was a package of Lipton onion soup mix in the back of the pantry that was about five years old. But I figured, hey, soup mix don't go bad right?. So we mixed up some dip, and ate it with a bowl of Tostitos. It wasn't bad. However, among other side effects that I won't go into, which also occurred during the middle of the night, I had that crazy dream.
Via Dawn.
Remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry wrote down a joke he dreamed up in the middle of the night? Then he couldn't read what he had written and when he finally figured it out, it wasn't funny at all. That happens to me too.
Like last night, for instance. i had this dream about a new Tom Cruise movie called The Last Chiropractor. The promo was something like:
[cue announcer's voice]Crazy huh? i'm telling you, i really did have a dream about that shit.Years of sleeping on Japanese bamboo mats have led Tom Cruise to his greatest role as...
...The Last Chiropractor!
[cue Tom Cruise's voice]
"You don't know the history of myofascial release therapy, I DO!"
[cue announcer's voice]
In the face of musculoligamentous sprain/strain...
In the sacroiliac of One Man...
Lies the Soul of a Warrior.
Once he risked his life for honor and country, but now his world has changed. Subluxation has replaced full cervical range of motion, and in the place of freedom and valor, he only finds chronic radiating pain, especially at levels C5-6 and L5-S1.
Thrust now into harsh and unfamiliar territory, with his life and perhaps more important, his spine, in the balance, the troubled American soldier finds himself at the center of a violent and epic struggle between the soft tissues of his neck and back, with only his sense of honor and a thorough knowledge of flexion/distraction technique to guide him.
Tom Cruise is...
...The Last Chiropractor!
You may have read about this. Harriet the turtle, the world's oldest living animal, turned 175 on Tuesday.
What an incredible accomplishment, when you think about it. Harriet must have an amazing perspective on the world and history, because she's seen it all.
Harriet watched the industrial revolution happen, the rise of nationalism and the Revolutions of 1848. She must have followed the American Civil War with interest. Was she worried when she heard about the Russian Revolution? Did she think Hitler might really take over the world? Imagine her relief when Imperial Japan was turned away from Australian shores, or when the Cold War ended.
What would Harriet say about global warming? Were there any el ninos when she was a little girl on Galapagos? What was Charles Darwin like? Was he a talkative man? Did he believe in God? What are her opinions on the art movements she's seen come and go: romanticism, impressionism, expressionism, dadaism, surrealism, cubism, modernism, post-modernism and even post-post-modernism?
Does Harriet have any plans for the next 175 years? i hear she's in good health. Is she optimistic about her future, or ours? Is Steve Irwin a goofball all the time, or is that just an act?
There's so many questions i could ask Harriet, i decided to see if i could track her down via the magic of the internet. What follows is the exclusive annika's journal interview i tried to conduct with Harriet in a Yahoo! chatroom. Unfortunately i wasn't able to keep her online very long, but you know how it is in chatrooms.
You are in "Brisbane Global Chat:8" (G'day to Aussies and their fans. [Notification: We are currently recording IP addresses of all Yahoo! Chat users.])
annikagyrl joined the room
sxyharriet1830 joined the room
annikagyrl: hey
sxyharriet1830 asdfzxcv
annikagyrl: hi harriet. first off let me wish you a happy birthday!
sxyharriet1830: qwwertasdff
annikagyrl: you look great for being 175 years young!
sxyharriet1830: 
annikagyrl: can i ask? what's your secret?
sxyharriet1830: uiopjkl;m
annikagyrl: wha?
sxyharriet1830: nmm,.jkl;
annikagyrl: is that, like, turtle language?
sxyharriet1830: iop[kl;'m,./
annikagyrl: okay. anyways, you've seen so much in your lifetime, there's so much i want to ask you, i don't even know where to begin...
sxyharriet1830: ghjkvbnm,,
annikagyrl: i don't know what you're saying
sxyharriet1830: 7yuiohjk
annikagyrl: um, is there anyone there who can help you type?
hott_for_turtles joined the room
hott_for_turtles: 23 m galapagos w/ hrd shell ne fems interested in chat???
annikagyrl: harriet?
sxyharriet1830: rtyufghcvbn;
hott_for_turtles: pic in profile
hott_for_turtles: ne hottttys out there?
annikagyrl: harriet, u still there?
hott_for_turtles: waddap sxyharriet1830 asl?
sxyharriet1830: asdfgqwert
hott_for_turtles: omg ur old
sxyharriet1830 left the room
annikagyrl: harriet?
hott_for_turtles: yo annika asl?
annikagyrl: 
annikagyrl left the room
i hope you saw Dateline NBC last night. If the subject matter wasn't so disturbing and serious, i'd say it was one of the funniest hours of television ever.
Basically, NBC's Chris Hansen did an elaborate sting operation to catch child predators, who try to hook up with kids over the internet. They arranged for the predators to meet the "kids" at a house, then they filmed Hansen confronting the sickos.
Freakin funnier than shit.
One of the dudes was a doctor, and another was a rabbi who worked with kids! The rabbi at least dressed up for his date, but one dude showed up naked. That was the funniest scene. The creep was waiting butt naked on a stool in the kitchen, thinking a 13 year old boy was about to come downstairs. Then Chris Hansen walks out and he's all "'sup freak, here's a towel." And the dude's like "whaaaaa?" It was great.
It got better. 12 hours after that perv was totally humiliated on camera, he was back on the internet, and got stung again. He went to meet another fake kid at a McDonald's the very next day and there was Hansen, shaking his head. The guy was like, "dude, i was just getting something to eat." Then later he's all "Yeah, I got a problem. I'm seeing a shrink."
By the time they were done, Dateline caught 19 perverts in this sting operation, and the DA is looking into it. Hopefully they'll all land in jail. Too bad they didn't catch them in Vegas though, because i think the mayor there would have some ideas on an appropriate punishment. Have you heard what he wants to do to taggers?
Okay stay with me on this. Harriet Miers was on some lottery commission, right? And pretty soon she'll need a bunch of senators to vote for her so she can get on the Supreme Court, right? And some people who are against her nomination are Republicans, right? And yesterday, a Republican senator won $853,492 in the Powerball lottery, right? See where i'm going with this?
i demand an investigation. i'm not saying there's been any wrongdoing, i'm just saying that these facts raise questions.
Developing . . .
Tony Blair is facing a possible police investigation over an alleged slur against the Welsh.This is a fucking joke right? It's illegal to say fucking Welsh in Great Britain. i knew they were a tolerant sort of people, but i was unaware that the Taliban had taken seats in Parliament. Someone please tell me this is an Onion story that got posted on Sky News by mistake.. . . [T]he Prime Minister repeatedly referred to them as 'f****** Welsh'.
It is said to have happened while he was watching the disappointing results of the Welsh Assembly elections in 1999.
. . .
North Wales Police said: 'A complaint has been received and is being reviewed.
'We will be seeking the advice of the Crown Prosecution Service in relation to the content of the statement of complaint.'
The CPS is expected to apply standard tests before deciding whether an investigation is viable and worthwhile.
The tests include whether an investigation would be in the public interest and whether there would be a reasonable chance of conviction.
If using the word fuck in reference to a Welshman is a crime, why isn't Elizabeth Taylor in jail?
"Rita's victims wealthier than Katrina's"
Via Associated Press, the people who brought you "Black folks are looters."
Developing...
Was it just me, or did anyone else hear Hugh Hewitt let a bad word slip out on the radio this afternoon?
Richard Simmons, bless his heart, said the following on Larry King Live just now:
"New Orleans is the Venice, Italy of the world."Now that's good comedy.
P.S. i want to like Celine Dion, i really do, but her personality makes that impossible.
From The Sacramento Bee:
Woodland police have arrested a man discovered skinning a pit bull, his hands drenched in blood, law enforcement officials said.i'm no fan of pit bulls, but that's just freaky. There's some real weirdos in this part of California. i wonder if he was going to make himself a coat?Officers called to the scene Saturday found transient John Hummer, 47, alongside a Woodland gas station skinning the dog with a knife, said Sgt. Davis of the Woodland Police Department.
. . .
The dog was dead at the scene and already partially skinned, he added.
Animal control officers collected the body and determined that the dog had several puncture wounds and had died within the previous hour, said Davis.
The dog had no collar and the owners are unknown, according to Davis.
Hummer was charged with maliciously and intentionally killing a dog, a felony, and booked into the Yolo County Jail, Davis said.
Breaking news here in Sacramento. A County Sheriff's helicopter crashed near Lake Natoma in Folsom. Channel 13 reports that the media has been excluded from the scene and that it is being considered a "crime scene."
According to Channel 10:
Multiple witnesses say the copter was flying low over the Lake Natoma area when popping sounds were heard and flames were spotted shooting from the craft's engines. The copter's tail appeared to break up in mid-air before the craft hit a hillside on the north side of Lake Natoma and rolled down the hill.Weird.
Hey, i just heard that Bono is planning to have a big concert to end world poverty. i think that's a great idea. All these bands are going to participate. i hope they can do it, becuz poverty is a bad thing. Lots of money should do the trick. Yay Bono.
They're going to call it Live-8. It's kind of a reference to Live-Aid, which was the name of that concert that ended world hunger back in the eighties.
Anybody know when this big concert is going to happen? i don't want to miss it.
i'd like to take this opportunity to thank Fox News for their 72 hour round-the-clock coverage of the Aruba and Montana abduction stories. i wonder when they will change their name to the "Freako Crime News Network?"
i don't know what is more scintillating television, the panel discussions where "journalists" psychoanalyze the freako perpetrators ad nauseam, or the remote updates from the van der Sloot compound every fifteen minutes.
It's not like there might be some other things going on in the world right now. i mean, come on. i had to watch CNN! i will watch CNN if i have to, but i never feel good about doing it.
MSNBC is out of the question. But Atlas is right. Fox News is becoming unwatchable.
And i don't mean idiot in the sense of a person with whom i have a disagreement.
i mean literally, an idiot, a person of subnormal intelligence, slow-witted, an imbecile, a moron, a cretin, affected by a profound mental retardation.
Stupid.
i want to post in full this exchange between Nancy Pulaski and a reporter, reprinted by The Corner, so i can refer back to it whenever i need a good laugh.
Reporter: Later this morning, many Members of the House Republican leadership, along with John Cornyn from the Senate, are holding a news conference on eminent domain, the decision of the Supreme Court the other day, and they are going to offer legislation that would restrict it, prohibiting federal funds from being used in such a manner.She totally misunderstood the question, even after the reporter explained it to her again in an extremely polite way. It's obvious that the Democratic leader of the House of Representatives had no clue about a recent, highly publicized and important Supreme Court decision. Or what her fellow legislators were trying to do about it. No fucking clue.Two questions. What was your reaction to the Supreme Court decision on this topic, and what do you think about legislation to, in the minds of opponents at least, remedy or changing it?
Ms. Pelosi: As a Member of Congress, and actually all of us and anyone who holds a public office in our country, we take an oath of office to uphold the Constitution of the United States. Very central to that in that Constitution is the separation of powers. I believe that whatever you think about a particular decision of the Supreme Court, and I certainly have been in disagreement with them on many occasions, it is not appropriate for the Congress to say we're going to withhold funds for the Court because we don't like a decision.
Reporter: Not on the Court, withhold funds from the eminent domain purchases that wouldn't involve public use. I apologize if I framed the question poorly. It wouldn't be withholding federal funds from the Court, but withhold Federal funds from eminent domain type purchases that are not just involved in public good.
Ms. Pelosi: Again, without focusing on the actual decision, just to say that when you withhold funds from enforcing a decision of the Supreme Court you are, in fact, nullifying a decision of the Supreme Court. This is in violation of the respect for separation of church -- powers in our Constitution, church and state as well. Sometimes the Republicans have a problem with that as well. But forgive my digression.
So the answer to your question is, I would oppose any legislation that says we would withhold funds for the enforcement of any decision of the Supreme Court no matter how opposed I am to that decision. And I'm not saying that I'm opposed to this decision, I'm just saying in general.
Reporter: Could you talk about this decision? What you think of it?
Ms. Pelosi: It is a decision of the Supreme Court. If Congress wants to change it, it will require legislation of a level of a constitutional amendment. So this is almost as if God has spoken. It's an elementary discussion now. They have made the decision.
Reporter: Do you think it is appropriate for municipalities to be able to use eminent domain to take land for economic development?
Ms. Pelosi: The Supreme Court has decided, knowing the particulars of this case, that that was appropriate, and so I would support that.
If i wasn't so disgusted by Pelosi, and the fact that the House Democrats consider her fit to be their leader, i would almost feel sorry for her. She's so completely in over her head, it's a joke.
The Maximum Leader has written off Scarborough Country for good, vowing never to watch the show again. That apparently leaves Joe Scarborough's mom as the only viewer left.
The reason cited by the Maximum Leader was an eyebrow raising statement by the former congressman, or mayor, or whatever, regarding the recent spate of shark attacks in Florida. He apparently implied that the source of these shark attacks was the difference between human and shark "cultures."
Perhaps he might consider interviewing Greg Norman for more insight into this theory, i don't know. Maybe Jerry Tarkanian is available for a remote, it's worth a try.
Freaking idiot.
Anyways, Maximum Leader had this to say in response:
Great jeezey chreezey. Somehow it is comforting to know that if only we would bother to translate the literature of the shark, we could avoid sharks attacking humans. We should feel guilty for not knowing the intricacies of shark interpretive dance. There would never be another shark on human attack if we could marvel at the splendor of the great underwater shark cities and grow to know their ancient history. Shark feeding frenzies off the beaches would be harmful only to baitfish if we could read the poetry of the shark Maya Angelou or ponder the profundity of the shark Plato.Thanks for the laugh, ML, i've never seen you so worked up, LOL.Of course, it is partially the fault of the sharks. Have they bothered to understand our culture? Have they read Faulkner, Tolstoy, or Hardy? Do they know the tales of Hemmingway? (Okay, scratch Hemmingway...) Have they seen the pyramids?
. . .
Understand shark culture.... What a friggin' idiot.
[Oh btw, ML, i like how you've taken to using my subtle misspelling trick on Ernest Hemingway's name. Or perhaps you meant to type Herringway. ba-dum-bump.]
Mass murdering dictators can have good taste in snack items.
Who knew?
Unfortunately, any sympathy he might have gotten from me by sharing my favorite junk food obsession, he relinquished by calling Dan Rather "a good guy."
But also, Saddam apparently likes to relax in prison by writing poetry among other things. i'm terribly curious to read his poetry, but i imagine it will be a long time before i see any of it published.
So in the interim, i've written a haiku that, while it was not written by the Butcher of Baghdad, i could imagine him having written something very similar during a reflective moment behind bars.
homburg on my head
twelve gauge at my hip goes POW!
good times, bro, good times...
...is to invent an outlandish freaky religion that will appeal to gullible mindless celebrities and wacky baby-boomers. Whatever i come up with can't possibly be more stupid than the bullshit Tom Cruise and the rest of his ilk believe in: dinosaurs from outer space or some such shit.
More later, after i've ruminated on the central tenets of my new religion. Any suggestions for a name will be considered, if they are accompanied by a substantial tithe and a pledge to secrecy.
(Secrecy will be a central tenet, i have decided.)
Update: Here are the central tenets of my new religion, which i have decided to call Practology.
1. i am the leader of this new religion. Not a god, but just the leader. Therefore, all donations should go to me. Great favor will be bestowed on anyone who donates to my new religion.
2. This religion takes no position on matters of morality. Basically that means you can do whatever the fuck you want, and it's cool. i discovered that this was one of the main attractions for adherents of the crazy yoga cult that my ex belonged to.
3. Chocolate will play some important role in this new religion, albeit vaguely.
4. The number eight will also have some vague significance.
5. In accordance with tenet four, all adherents to this new religion will be required to utilize the base eight counting system.
6. Also, all adherents to this new religion shall be required to say "utilize," when the verb "use" would do just as well.
7. Secrecy.
10. Singing songs will be encouraged, but only in private.
A word about the name. Practology comes from the Sanskrit root Pract-, which means "to bow down to," and -ology, which is an untranslatable Ojibway phrase meaning "great bird that shits while flying." Thus, Practology, which is distinguished from the unrelated medical specialty by pronounciation and capitalization.
One more thing. All adherents should ignore and deny the fact that i freely admit this is a made up religion. If it doesn't matter to Tom Cruise that his religion's creator was a science fiction writer, it shouldn't matter to anyone that i am sometimes being facetious.
There's a lot we don't know about that runaway bride from Atlanta. More will come out in the next few weeks, and i'll bet you, say $80,000, that her little trip involved a dude in a black Trans-Am. The clue is right there in the song:
The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarkana."Atlanta." See? Coincidence? i think not.
And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes.
She was westbound and down. Seriously, i'm tellin' you there was a dude involved that we haven't heard about yet.
More: "US, Italy Disagree On Runaway Bride"
Update: i was right.
Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set "M." Set "C," the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?
Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.
Teaching Math in 2000: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit is $60?
[Hard Law Firms, Soft Law Schools, 83 N.C. L. Rev. 667, fn. 12]
Apparently, journalism schools are now teaching their students that when they don't know something, just make shit up.
Listening to KCRA Channel 3's morning newscast in Sacramento, i was appalled to hear the news bimbo say that the Pope was given his "ring and woman's shawl" at this morning's installment ceremony.
It's called a stole, you idiot! Not common knowledge certainly, but a few seconds of research would have helped you avoid sounding like a complete ass.
"Woman's shawl?" Why not just say "shawl" if you didn't know what it was? If you're gonna make shit up, why not just say they gave him a ceremonial cigar too? Or that they passed around the ceremonial beer at mass?
i tell ya. It's near impossible to watch the news anymore.
Update: Okay, maybe i mis-heard it. She might have said "woolen" shawl. But still. How about a little enunciation?
Update 2: A little more than a few seconds of research revealed that i was wrong too. The stole is more properly called a Pallium, and Benedict spoke about its significance in this morning's homily.
The first symbol is the Pallium, woven in pure wool, which will be placed on my shoulders. This ancient sign, which the Bishops of Rome have worn since the fourth century, may be considered an image of the yoke of Christ, which the Bishop of this City, the Servant of the Servants of God, takes upon his shoulders. Gods yoke is Gods will, which we accept. And this will does not weigh down on us, oppressing us and taking away our freedom. To know what God wants, to know where the path of life is found this was Israel's joy, this was her great privilege. It is also our joy: Gods will does not alienate us, it purifies us even if this can be painful and so it leads us to ourselves. In this way, we serve not only him, but the salvation of the whole world, of all history.i was pleased to read the following passage from Benedict's homily, which was pertinent to a post i wrote Friday regarding inter-faith relations:The symbolism of the Pallium is even more concrete: the lambs wool is meant to represent the lost, sick or weak sheep which the shepherd places on his shoulders and carries to the waters of life. For the Fathers of the Church, the parable of the lost sheep, which the shepherd seeks in the desert, was an image of the mystery of Christ and the Church. The human race every one of us is the sheep lost in the desert which no longer knows the way. The Son of God will not let this happen; he cannot abandon humanity in so wretched a condition. He leaps to his feet and abandons the glory of heaven, in order to go in search of the sheep and pursue it, all the way to the Cross. He takes it upon his shoulders and carries our humanity; he carries us all he is the good shepherd who lays down his life for the sheep. What the Pallium indicates first and foremost is that we are all carried by Christ. But at the same time it invites us to carry one another. Hence the Pallium becomes a symbol of the shepherds mission, of which the Second Reading and the Gospel speak.
. . .
One of the basic characteristics of a shepherd must be to love the people entrusted to him, even as he loves Christ whom he serves. 'Feed my sheep,' says Christ to Peter, and now, at this moment, he says it to me as well. Feeding means loving, and loving also means being ready to suffer. Loving means giving the sheep what is truly good, the nourishment of Gods truth, of Gods word, the nourishment of his presence, which he gives us in the Blessed Sacrament. My dear friends at this moment I can only say: pray for me, that I may learn to love the Lord more and more. Pray for me, that I may learn to love his flock more and more in other words, you, the holy Church, each one of you and all of you together. Pray for me, that I may not flee for fear of the wolves. Let us pray for one another, that the Lord will carry us and that we will learn to carry one another.
I greet with great joy and gratitude all of you gathered here. . . . With great affection I also greet all those who have been reborn in the sacrament of Baptism but are not yet in full communion with us; and you, my brothers and sisters of the Jewish people, to whom we are joined by a great shared spiritual heritage, one rooted in God's irrevocable promises. Finally, like a wave gathering force, my thoughts go out to all men and women of today, to believers and nonbelievers alike.
How is it that Ryan Seacrest got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and Joe Don Baker hasn't yet?
*click*
Bimbo Interview Chick: "Kay you guys, so who do you think is like your greatest musical influence?"
Teenage Hipster Band Member: "I guess Led Zeppelin." (Pointing to the Led Zeppelin t-shirt he is wearing.) "Yeah, Led Zeppelin."
Bimbo Interview Chick: "Kay, Led Zeppelin. And why do you think he is such a big influence on you?"
*click*
For some odd reason, i'm getting IMs and comments from people who think i am Lindsay Lohan. It's all due to that humorous piece i did a few weeks back. My guess is that it's attracting google hits and of course Lindsay Lohan fans are not the swiftest bananas in the bunch. i got this french guy sending me IMs in french every day. i have no idea what he's saying but tonight he says, in English: "you are Lindsay Lohan."
Well, i'm not, but i'm willing to pretend if it will fuck with a Frenchie's head for shits and giggles. Ha-ha.
Speaking of time travellers, this story via Reuters:
A Czech tractor driver died under eight tons of manure in a bizarre accident that has baffled his employers, local media reported.Authorities are still looking for a mysterious kid on a skateboard.
ABC News continues to outrage me. They're vying for the bottom of the journalistic heap in my book, apparently jealous of CNN and CBS.
Today's misleading web headline disgusted me:
Schindlers, Kevorkian Discuss Schiavo CaseSeeing that headline on Google (without the subtitle), i immediately wondered what the hell was going on. Had Terri Schiavo's parents changed their mind about euthanasia? Nope, it was a cruel joke of some editor at ABC News, who decided to lump these two opposing points of view into the same story and then post a misleading headline for some sick reason.
Pollhost censored my poll again. i admit that the Modesto poll was lame, but come on. The only objectionable word in it was meth. It's not like i was encouraging drug use by making fun of Modesto as the meth capital of the San Joaquin Valley. i'm going to have to get used to Pollhost's new zero tolerance approach to anything that in any way might possibly cause someone to raise the slightest objection.
Fuck.
Okay so i got a new poll, go vote in it.
Petula Clark once sang:
Don't sleep in the subway, darlin'.Which seems like common-sense advice. But after stumbling across the next two links, i would have changed the lyrics to warn against two less obvious hazards of modern life, thusly:Don't stand in the pouring rain.
Don't eat in Cheyenne, Wyoming.Yuck.Spit that out in the dentist's drain.
By juxtaposing these two photographs, i intend to make no commentary except to point out an uncanny resemblance.
What's up with that?
As they say on Cops, all parties are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.
LaDonna Davis: "...and then he chomped off my thumb..."
Charlie Gibson: "...you knew right away he was attacking..."
Me: "...Duuuh..."
LaDonna Davis: "...we tried to reason with them..."
Me: "...Duuuh..."
LaDonna Davis: "...I don't know where his thoughts were coming from..."
Me: "...Duuuh..."
LaDonna Davis: "...Everybody's an individual, you have to look for the good. Every being, every animal's an individual..."
Me: "...it's a fucking chimp, dude..."
Isn't this how the Planet of the Apes began?
Two people were seriously injured and two chimpanzees were shot dead today in Kern County after several chimps broke from their cages at an animal sanctuary and attacked workers.Freaky.. . .
Animal Haven employees shot and killed two of the escaped chimpanzees, but two other chimps remain on the loose. Officials say it is unclear how the animals escaped from their cages.
Those chimps could be anywhere by now. Especially if they hijack a car. Be careful out there, and don't trust them treacherous chimps. Frank J. is right. They'll kill you, first chance they get.
Update: We can all breathe easier, the fugitive simians have been recaptured.
Those apes are animals. Literally.
KGET-TV of Bakersfield said the man and woman were at the Animal Haven Ranch to celebrate the birthday of Moe, which was not involved in today's attack.Well they were asking for it. Who the fuck gives a cake to a chimp? Everyone knows their diet consists of bananas. Well, that and PEOPLE'S FACES! apparently.After the couple arrived with a cake, two other chimpanzees - named Buddy and Ollie - went for the visitors.
Dr Maureen Martin, of Kern Medical Centre, said the apes had chewed most of the man's face off and that he would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach his nose.
LaDonna Davis suffered a bite wound to the hand.
Buddy and Ollie were shot and killed. Two other chimps which had also escaped were recaptured - one was cornered three kilometres from the sanctuary, 137kms north of downtown Los Angeles.
Update: i hadn't heard about the dude's nuts getting eaten, until OC Chuck and Papertiger's comments. Ouch. Since both of the above links seem to be broken, here's the ABC News story.
Audrey:
In the end those of us that walk away winning win more than just a loss.Huh?
You just lost babe. That made no sense whatsoever.
i think i speak for all of us when i say i'm truly relieved it's finally over.
Still, you'd think someone would have stamped this shit out sooner.
Am i the only one who was uncomfortable seeing a dancing midget onstage during the halftime show of the NBA All Star Game?
Wasn't that a bit insensitive, given that basketball is a sport that celebrates height more than any other human endeavor?
i mean, that was worse even than LeAnn Rimes' trashy outfit. What was up with that, anyway?
Update: Even though hardly anybody watched the game, and fewer still probably stuck around for the halftime show, i wasn't the only blogger who noticed the dancing midget.
Nasal Passages had this to say:
Ummmmmmmmmm, so at the half time of the NBA All-Star Game they have some "entertainment." LeeAnn Rimes was cute and her song, while very boring, wasn't bad. But right now there's this band on called "Big and Rich" and, well, they suck! What REALLY sucks about them is they have a little person on stage with them wearing a fuzzy orange hat and dancing with his two canes. Does a midget make for an entertaining half time show?? I think not. It's just all really disturbing....REALLY disturbing!!Absolutely. Disturbing is exactly the word for it.
But Marti was distinctly pro-midget. Or at least pro-Big & Rich:
They had a midget with a cane in each hand dancing backup.Well, i guess i need to be there.I got you now.
A midget,
cane in each hand,
dancing backup.
That's just too funny to pass up. . . . Apparently, this duo invites many colorful characters into their fantasyland, including Limo Larry, a formerly homeless drug addict who ferries off-duty strippers and inebriated musicians around Nashville every night. And Tim the Electrician, a guy with a big mustache and a beer-swigging red macaw named Santana who clings to his owner's shoulder while Tim practices the sport he's invented, championship chair riding. I'm curious to see the rulebook for this one.
My god, you can't make up stuff this funny.
Michael Lorenzo didn't like the music either:
I am appalled.i like a lot of country music myself. But that halftime show last night was wrong on too many levels.I just saw 3 country songs too many, a 6'5" rapping self-proclaimed black cowboy, a back up rapper dressed in a mad hatter costume, several small young white boys trying to pop and lock and a midget trying to imitate an animatronic bear.
Huh?
You know i love you George, but are you sure Doug was the only wead in the room when you said that?
Misery is expected to peak on Monday, as 24 January has been pinpointed as the worst day of the year.i'm not depressed though, i'm just hungover.January has been long regarded as the darkest of months, but a formula from a part-time tutor at Cardiff University shows it gets even worse this Monday.
Foul weather, debt, fading Christmas memories, failed resolutions and a lack of motivation conspire to depress, Cliff Arnalls found.
. . .
The formula for the day of misery reads 1/8W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNA.
Where W is weather, D is debt - minus the money (d) due on January's pay day - and T is the time since Christmas.
Q is the period since the failure to quit a bad habit, M stands for general motivational levels and NA is the need to take action and do something about it.
Dr Arnalls calculated the effects of cold, wet and dark January weather after the cosiness of Christmas coupled with extra spending in the sales.
He found 24 January was especially dangerous, coming a whole month after Christmas festivities.
Any energy from the holiday had worn off by the third week of January, he said.
By Monday, most people will have fallen off the wagon or abandoned the nicotine patches as they fail to keep New Year's resolutions.
That compounds a sense of failure and knocks confidence needed to get through January.
The fact that the most depressing day fell on a Monday was not planned but a coincidence, he said.
(Stupider even than allowing Ashley Simpson to sing live on television again.)
Renaming the Los Angeles California Anaheim Angels the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Not only does it sound stupid, but it alienates their fan base. People in OC hate LA, they get pissed if you say they're from LA and they never go to LA unless it's absolutely unavoidable.
As usual, Humbug is the place to go for the latest baseball news, in meter.
As my holiday gift to all of my visitors, i'm going to let you in on a secret i discovered. Overstock.com is selling Season One of 24 (the TV show) for only $14.99. That DVD set retails normally for 70 bucks! If you're interested, go to the site and search for "24: Season One." But for pete's sakes keep this quiet. i'm pretty sure Overstock.com fucked up and meant to price it at $41.99. We don't want them to realize their mistake. Don't worry, i completed the transaction, and indeed i was only charged $14.99! Shhhh!
WTF is the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl? Are there goldfish in it?
Oh well, the BCS sucks, but at least Cal will have the consolation of playing in "America's Most Exciting Bowl Game."
Channel surfing this morning i saw Trapper John, M.D., arguing about investments on a Fox News stock market show. i thought i was watching a Saturday Night Live skit, but apparently, CPT McIntyre has built a pretty successful investing business since the end of the Korean conflict.
Interesting. He likes eBay, by the way.
Can you spot the irony in this holiday stamp webpage from the United States Postal Service's site?
i'll tell you. The word Christmas appears nowhere on either of the two pages from which you can order holiday stamps. Even though four of the eight selections on the first page are clearly and specifically Christmas stamps.
i can understand the view that the US government should not appear to endorse any particular religion by actually uttering the word "Christmas." i don't agree with that line of thinking, but i see how the argument can be made.
The problem with the USPS site is that their omission of the word Christmas, to describe stamps with Santa Claus, reindeer and even an image of the baby Jesus, cannot be based on any desire to adhere to the First Amendment.
Note that there are also stamps clearly identified with the names of two other religious celebrations: Hanukkah and Eid. (From what i understand, Kwanzaa and the Lunar New Year are cultural, not religious celebrations.)
As far as i'm concerned, the only way this PC bullshit can be interpreted is that the USPS thinks some people might be offended by looking at the word Christmas while shopping for stamps.* Either that, or the Postal Service marketing department has been taken over by anti-Christian wackos. (Not anti-religious wackos, mind you, just anti-Christian.)
i don't think anyone, even the most rabid anti-religious zealot, could possibly be offended by merely looking at the word Christmas. Those kind of people just do not exist. Oh i'm certain that there are some people who claim offense in order to advance a political agenda. But anyone who would be truly offended by the word Christmas simply could not function in society.
i think it's great that the USPS is commemorating Hanukkah and Eid-ul-Fitr with stamps. But how is calling a Christmas stamp a Christmas stamp somehow improper?
Maybe they should change their acronym to the USPCS.
_______________
* By the way, the function of the First Amendment's Establishment Clause is not, and has never been, to prevent people from being offended.
Then there's this:
'My friends always said I had an incredibly long tongue - I could make lots of money with it one day,' said Annika.*coughs*
'I'm just proud that now people everywhere can read about me and my tongue,' she said.Well, yah. That goes without saying.
'On my first day at school I had to stick my tongue out for everyone.'But it was worth it, i guess.
Just so you know, different Annika . . .
Via You're Ugly.
Red Sox owner John Henry . . .
. . . and Odo from Deep Space Nine.
It's eerie.
Update: i'm not the only one who's quick with the Sox-Sci-Fi gag.
These two quotes from John Kerry at last night's debate are so beautiful, all i can do is sit back and admire them.
Quote 1:
He's trying to attack me. He wants you to believe that I can't be president. And he's trying to make you believe it because he wants you to think I change my mind. Well, let me tell you straight up: I've never changed my mind about Iraq. I do believe Saddam Hussein was a threat. I always believed he was a threat. Believed it in 1998 when Clinton was president. I wanted to give Clinton the power to use force if necessary.Quote 2:
I don't think you can just rely on U.N. sanctions [to contain Iran], Randee. But you're absolutely correct, it is a threat, it's a huge threat. And what's interesting is, it's a threat that has grown while the president has been preoccupied with Iraq, where there wasn't a threat.Kinda takes your breath away don't it?
Via Paul at Wizbang.
What do herpes, hurricanes**, crabgrass, Carrot Top, and commenter Robert McLelland have in common?
Nobody wants them, nobody likes them, they keep coming back, and they just . . . won't . . . fucking . . . go . . . away.
Usually i either delete McLelland's shit, or i fuck with it by translating it into French, then into German, then back into English and leave it there. Strangely, i find his comments make more sense after the Google translator has shredded them.
But Little Mac's latest comment, under my Fat Ollie Willis post, is going to stay right where it is, unaltered, (except for his link, which i deleted).
The comment is so deliciously ironic, i want everyone to see how Bush haters think:
Reich Whingers will do anything to get Dear Leader facsist re-selected to office for four more wars. . . .i wonder if Mac is familiar with the psychological term "projection." Or maybe he's too dense to be aware of it.ps. Don't think because I'm Canadian that I won't influence this election. I have absentee ballots from New York, Michigan and Florida from three different identities. On each I will loudly vote for John Fitzgerald Kerry (unless I decide to write in Osama). [emphasis mine]
i think this little anecdote is a perfect illustration of the message behind Professor Hugh Hewitt's excellent book: If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat: Crushing the Democrats in Every Election and Why Your Life Depends on It
_______________
* No, i don't plan to make this a regular blog feature.
** of both the meteorological and football variety.
Fat-lard-ass Ollie Willis* comes up with some doozies, but yesterday he farted out a real howler of a line:
John Kerry is a better leader, a better man, a better patriot than George Bush and everyone else on the left (and a few honest folks on the right) knows it.Yah? In what freaking parallel universe, lard butt?
* For whom no amount of money would induce me to give a link.
My copy of Hugh Hewitt's book, If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat: Crushing the Democrats in Every Election and Why Your Life Depends on It, just arrived in today's mail. i ordered it from Amazon because it's been so hard to find in the bookstores.
i went to update my AllConsuming.com account, so that a picture of the book would appear on my sidebar, but lo and behold, i could not seem to access the information for that particular book, despite the fact that 89 other weblogs have mentioned it.
Is it a problem with AllConsuming.com's server, as they claim, or is it something more sinister?
Update: Ha ha, spoke too soon, i can access it now.
i saw something shocking at Moxie's. Planned Parenthood, with the help of Yahoo! Shopping, is selling t-shirts that express the wearer's pride at having had an abortion.
That's fucked up. Even pro-abortionists like Clinton and Kerry would stop short before saying that an abortion was something that should be boasted about in front of strangers.
Whatever happened to the ideals behind the motto: safe, legal and rare? Or was that just bullshit?
PP won't be happy until every teen is sporting a tee like that one. But i say, why stop there? Let's follow that thread to it's logical conclusion.
So i designed a t-shirt with a parallel sentiment.
What do you think? Something to be proud of? Or not.
Update: Allah has more. Via Xrlq.
This idea is not only idiotic, it makes me a bit queasy in the tummy just thinking about it.
A Dutch artist has used a flap of her own skin to make a replica pistol to be shown at an Amsterdam art show. . . .It's fucking unbelievable what passes for art these days.. . .
[S]he made the tiny replica pistol with a piece of skin . . . surgically removed from her abdomen. The puckered skin was stretched and sewn over a plastic and fiber pistol mold.
Meester said she had the flap of skin removed under local anaesthetic to allow her to make the pistol. The surgery left her with 16 stitches. She froze the skin, then defrosted it to make a replica weapon preserved in formaldehyde.
And here's the funniest quote i've seen in a long time:
If everyone made a pistol from their own skin, I think they would think twice about using a gun. I think there would be less violence in the world.Brilliant woman, just brilliant.
i'm serious. Trust me. This is like the funniest thing! It's called Teen Girl Squad. It's totally clean, but you might get in trouble for laughing your ass off at work. Watch all five Teen Girl Squad videos. Actually anything on this site is hilarious.
Thanks to Rambling Rhodes for the tip.
It may be too early yet to gloat, but it's true. i heard about it on Larry Elder's show this afternoon and immediately tuned over to KBLA 1580 AM, where i heard a bunch of women praying in Spanish. Air America is definitely off the air in L.A. and Chicago. No telling when or if they'll be back.
After just two weeks of broadcasting, Air America Radio, the fledgling liberal talk-radio network featuring Al Franken and Janeane Garofalo, was pulled off the air Wednesday morning in Chicago and Los Angeles, the network's second- and third-largest markets, in a payment dispute that shows no sign of quick resolution.They bounced a check!
Arthur Liu, owner of Multicultural Radio Broadcasting, which owns Air America affiliates WNTD-950 AM in Chicago and KBLA-1580 AM in Los Angeles, said Air America bounced a check and owes him more than $1 million. Air America and Multicultural had entered into a time brokerage agreement in which the network was essentially renting Multicultural's airtime, Liu said.Hardy-har-har!
'They bounced a check today,' Liu said. 'It's a default. They have paid only a very small portion of what they owe us.' Liu declined to say how much Multicultural is owed, but did say he is holding $1 million in checks that Air America has asked the company not to cash.i thought liberals were supposed to be the fiscally conservative ones nowadays.
Ooops, i wasn't going to gloat. Sorry.
Like any good liberal, Air America's executive vice president (a lawyer, no surprise) immediately filed a lawsuit.
Air America filed a complaint Wednesday in New York state Supreme Court charging Multicultural with breaching their contract and seeking an injunction forcing Air America back on the Chicago station. An Air America source said a separate lawsuit over the Los Angeles station is forthcoming.i would never have suspected that a company calling itself Multicultural Radio Broadcasting would be a member of the VRWC. Go figure. Good work guys!. . .
According to Air America's suit, a Multicultural representative showed up at WNTD's offices Wednesday morning, kicked out Air America's lone staffer overseeing the network's feed to the station from New York and changed the locks on the doors.
Update: Ryan at soundfury has some good background. Link via Instapundit, who of course had a post about this hours ago.
Correct me if i'm wrong but does the caption make sense with this picture?
If that's a nuclear power plant, i think that would be steam coming out of the cooling towers.
Last i heard, water vapor was not a greenhouse gas.
This is simply further proof that all journalists are idiots.
Update: Okay, i stand corrected. Water vapor is a greenhouse gas, and as Pixy Misa and Mythilt pointed out, a very significant one. In fact, according to this web page, water vapor is bad, while clouds are good.
Does this mean that i owe all journalists an apology? Fuck no, they're still idiots.
Update 2: i was going to have some hot tea this afternoon, but i decided against it. i was afraid the steam from the hot water might contribute to global warming. Sheesh!
i can't even bring myself to blog about it. It's simply too disgusting. Just read it here.
i'm almost certain my brother has been to this doctor.
The shit you find on Ananova! i'm tellin' you.
Why is this person not lying on the ground, unconscious, with multiple compound fractures and no teeth?
Doh!
This one contained an ad for some car dealer, and the following strange message:
I am a single serving friend. My job was to apply the formula. How embarrassing. There were many examples of animals all around.Weird, eh?(I'm loving the way you walk with me so quietly, contentedly.) I can never describe the walk back to my truck. The continuation of our species matters more than you can imagine. It is the single most important thing we can do. That could well be the answer.
My job was to apply the formula. I wished so deeply for the change to come about. I wished so deeply for the change to come about. I'll tell you what happened next.
Love, and hate, are powerful emotions. Don't do that, the cat pointed out. But under the circumstances, I'd do it again. I'm cold, you said, staring at the continuation we had to feel through yesterday. A house full of condiments and no food.
Here's a fun diversion. Try to match the following idiotic statements with the appropriate idiotic celebrity:
Answers:
Weird. i got two spam e-mails today that i inadvertently opened because of their faux personal subject lines. Someone in the spamosphere apparently thinks i like girls.
E-mail number one says:
I work as a massage therapist. I just recently had my initiation into the bisexual world and I totally appreciate it. I still love a good guy too but I am very eager to get to know otherbisexual girls. I am very friendly, very fit and very fun. I love just about anything outdoors but can spend hours and hours in bed. I love being with girls and guys alike. I am looking for a very sensual person. If this sounds good to you then maybe I am your girl.She sounds great, doesn't she? Too bad i don't like girls. Not that there's anything wrong with that. i think a massage therapy background is an excellent qualification for any significant other.Love Rebecca
The next one was a bit more vague.
I am an outgoing, sporty woman who enjoys trying fresh things. I love to have a good time, and I love meeting men. I usually don't have a 'type' of guy. I can have fun with anyone.Now this chick seems more my type. i too, love meeting men and having a good time. But still, i don't happen to like girls. Plus, neither of them sent me a picture.So... I can't wait to talk with you!
barbie
The reason i know they were spam was because the end of the e-mail was a list of random words like:
. . . reply kiosk north tacit false youth fader bluey credo whale . . .But i thought the final three random words were quite funny:
polka naked spent canon.Now there's an image i wish hadn't popped into my head.
Congratulations on the Oscar, Mr. No Credibility.
A chill wind is blowing in this nation. A message is being sent through the White House and its allies in talk radio and Clear Channel and Cooperstown. If you oppose this administration, there can and will be ramifications.Uhhh, yah.Every day, the air waves are filled with warnings, veiled and unveiled threats, spewed invective and hatred directed at any voice of dissent. And the public, like so many relatives and friends that I saw this weekend, sit in mute opposition and fear.
(Somebody in the VRWC musta fucked up.)
i got an e-mail from a guy i don't know named Parson T. Dogies. the subject of his email is: better than via. Gra . stereophotomicrography.
i've always been interested in science and technology, and i'm curious about this stereophotomicrography, which is a field i've not heard of before.
Should i open it?
