...it's not dark yet, but it's gettin' there...
The new bumper sticker for people who can't go five friggin' minutes without pimpin' their third place guy.
These are the sidebar agitprops I created during the course of this blog's run.
Number one was my first attempt, using a picture of Kerry doing the "raise the roof" gesture. Pretty self-explanatory.
Number two was a little more sophisticated, and the first time I did the whole top and bottom bar thingie. I like the long face distortion, which is useful anytime one wants to depict the french-looking candidate.
Number three was created soon after Byrd gave his freakish meandering oration against the Authorization for the Use of Force. I'm particularly fond of the vampirish pallor of his skin, which was created by manipulating the hue and brightness settings in photoshop. Great pose too. The caption is a subtle hint at his Klan history. Grand Wizard becomes Grand Poobah.
Number four is Nancy Pelosi at her most strident. For effect I manipulated the size of her eyes and mouth. Not enough to look photoshopped, but just enough to be weird.
Number five is connected to my infamous EJ for Sec Gen post, which got such wide exposure thanks to a mention by Jeff Jarvis on tv. I totally lucked out when I found that picture of EJ with the blue hair wig. It was perfect.
And number six utilizes the gif animation function, which has given me hours of fun since I discovered how to do it back in January of '05. For those who don't know the references, this was based on the promotional photograph of Kiki Couric, which had been photoshopped by CBS to make her look younger and thinner. Tiffany is a reference to CBS's old nickname, "the tiffany network." I can't deny that I was also inspired by Violet from the old Willie Wonka movie.
So much for the agitprop. Someday, when the time is right, I'm planning to make a "Hillary: the female Nixon" sticker and plaster it all over California. Watch for it.
The silver lining is that maybe I can make some money off of this.
Introducing . . . the first post-defeat t-shirt and bumper sticker!
Chris Matthews has been obsessing over the chick from the Ford ad all week. I think he's smitten. He keeps calling her "sexy, sexy, naked, naked, very alluring, sexy, naked," etc.
But she just isn't that hot. Seriously, I don't even think Casca would go after her. Well, maybe after a few Bacardi and Cokes, I don't know.
More: In Australia, there is a conservative politician running for a seat in a district named, coincidentally, Forde. Her name is Hajnal Ban and she is something.
via AWH
Picture this: Barbra Streisand reprising her most famous role as Dolly Levi, and introducing George W. Bush as Horace Vandergelder! That's brilliant casting, and it would be box office gold. Gold I tell ya!
Alas, I'm afraid it would never happen. I don't think the president could handle the vocal parts.
A contributor who wishes to remain anonymous sent me this artwork, inspired by my recent Mohammadonna post. I love it.
This is great. If anybody else wants to make some Mohammadonna shit, send it to me or give me a link. I'll post it.
The horror...
VIOLET: Dessert? Here it comes. Blueberry pie and cream!
It's the most marvelous blueberry pie that I've ever tasted!
CHARLIE: Look at her face!
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Holy Toledo, what's happening to your face?
VIOLET: Cool it, Dad! Lemme finish.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Yeah, but your face is turning blue!
Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!
VIOLET: What are you talking about?
WONKA: I told you I hadn't got it quite right yet.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: You can say that again. Look what it's
done to my kid!
WONKA: It always goes wrong when we come to the dessert.
Always.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet, what are you doing now?!? You're
blowing up!
VIOLET: I feel funny.
GRANDPA JOE: I'm not surprised.
VIOLET: What's happening?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: You're blowing up like a balloon!
WONKA: Like a blueberry.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Somebody do something! Call a doctor!
MRS. TEEVEE: Stick her with a pin.
CHARLIE: She'll pop!
WONKA: It happens every time! They all become blueberries.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: You've really done it this time, haven't
you, Wonka. I'll break you for this.
WONKA: Oh, well, I'll get it right in the end.
VIOLET: Help! Help!
(Wonka plays the pipe whistle.)
MR. BEAUREGARDE: We've got to let the air out of her, quick!
WONKA: There's no air in there.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hmm?
WONKA: That's juice.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Juice?!?
WONKA: (to an Oompa Loompa) Would you roll the young lady
down to the juicing room at once, please.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: What for?
WONKA: For squeezing. She has to be squeezed immediately
before she explodes.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Explodes?!?
WONKA: It's a fairly simple operation.
You heard that Cindy Sheehan was selling herself over the internet? The ad got pulled by eBay, possibly because the product may produce involuntary stomach spasms.
However, with this auction, no such problems are likely:
As to any other disclaimers, I disclaim them.
Here's proof that the smackdown Howard Dean received last week is doing some good:
So go easy on Howie, not only is he working hard to elect the next Republican Congress and President, he's a friend of annika's journal.
Guess who dropped in on the Hot Tub Friends' latest party? It's mega-star Celine Dion!
Let's listen in, shall we?
You ever listen to those early morning CSPAN call-in shows? What a bunch of freaking idiots.
It's like this:
Hello? Is this CSPAN?Or the angry idiots:Well, I liked that Sander Day O'Conner 'cuz she seemed like she was fair and all. And I think Bush needs to pick someone who's not all for the corporate America with all the Halliburton things and stuff.
She was just another right wing fascist who selected Bush and wants to roll back Medicare and Social Security with all his fascist crony corporate America and Halliburton things and stuff.etc.
The right wing callers are no better:
Bush needs to pick somebody who's a mainstream American, like someone who hates them despicable homosexual things and stuff.i often wonder why so many neanderthals are watching CSPAN instead of, say, Jerry Springer re-runs or those used car dealer infomercials they show on like eight stations every Saturday morning? i think it's because they have trouble figuring out the remote control and just get stuck on the channel.
In my attempt to remedy the ignorance of these people, i've prepared a pocket guide to the Supreme Court for any such CSPAN watchers who may have made it over to my blog and read this far down the page.
My handy pocket guide contains a picture of each Supreme Court justice, their name, and then a short bio. You can print it out if you'd like and refer to it whenever you want to express an opinion out loud about the Supreme Court.
Here it is. You can trust me on this stuff, i'm a law student.
Don't forget, it's also suitable for laminating, or pasting onto the dasboard of your VW Beetle.
Glad to be of help.
Somebody give the man some Prozac.
More at Wizbang.
[Also, i linked to Beth. Because she said i could.]
Now that the election is long over, isn't it time to do something about that faded "W" sticker on the ass of your car?
Annoy your liberal friends and neighbors anew with this baby.
It occurred to me that nobody except Sheila got my last photoshop joke. Which, by the way is the freakin' funniest thing i ever done. To paraphrase Betelgeuse: i've looked at it about a HUNDRED AND
SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT!
Anyways, for you cultural illiterates, convicted hit-and-run driver Paula Abdul is driving, and that black dude is Ben Vereen. It's an obscure reference to this infamous 1992 incident: when
Entertainer Ben Vereen was critically injured when he was struck by a van while walking along the Pacific Coast Highway near Malibu, California. The driver, producer/composer David Foster, was not charged. Some hours earlier, Vereen had run into a tree while driving his own car. He blames that mishap for the later accident. He said, 'I had hit my head on the steering wheel but felt fine. Later that evening as I was walking in Malibu, I had [a] stroke as a result of that accident.' Vereen says he then stumbled into the roadway and was hit by the van.Freaky. You don't remember that? Anyways, the rest of the joke is just my weird imagination. The old man is just some old man. And there's no particular reason why Marv Albert and Paige Davis would be double dating with Paula and Pee-Wee, except that it makes some absurd kind of sense to me.
Got it? Okay now go back and look at it and laugh dammit, LAUGH!
Meanwhile out on Pacific Coast Highway...
You folks in L.A., be careful out there.
B-list celebrities need Spring Break, too.
i recently obtained some exclusive footage of the time when three of our hot tub friends met Jessica Alba.
i Hope your Spring Break was enjoyable, too.
Poor Pat O'Brien. No more partyin' for a while, you freak.
Them celebrities can get pretty wild, though. Wouldn't you like to have been at this party?
You're right, i guess not.
Once again, in lieu of actual blog content, it's time for Friday photoshopped self-promotional nonsense.
This week we examine: Annika Gyrl: The unauthorized annikabiography.
List Price: .35¢
Price: .10¢ & Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25.
You Save: .25¢ (71%)
Availability: Usually ships within 24 hours from Annikazon.com
Want it delivered Monday, March 21? Order it in the next 15 hours and 44 minutes, and choose One-Day Shipping at checkout.
93 used & new from .01¢
Edition: Hardcover
Average Customer Review: 
based on 3 reviews
Were this thing ever to see print, it would surely be filled from end to endpaper with the most shocking debauchery of a type that would cause Mr. Verdana to blush, Ms. Arial to shield her eyes, and both Mr. Times and Mr. New Roman to run for cover.
...i bring you photoshopped self-promotion.
Yes, this is an actual recruiting poster, rejected by the DoD.
Yesterday they mentioned my idea on MSNBC, and now today they're talking about me on Fox News! Click on the picture to see the clip.
Fame! i wanna live forever!
Remember the annika's Blogversary Poker Party is Wednesday night at 7:00 p.m. California time.
remember... remember... remember...
Pollhost censored me.
If you click on "My most controversial poll ever: Which two androids should be fucking?" you will find that they shut me down without even a warning. Those bastards.
But i'm not deterred by the new decency standards. As a proud blogger, if i want to write about robots fucking, i will insist on my first amendment right to use the f-word.
Anyways, the excitement of my "most controversial poll ever" died down pretty quickly after the result became a forgone conclusion. Last i checked, i looked like about 70% of voters wanted to see Star Trek Voyager's Borg chick, 7 of 9, get together with the Daryl Hannah replicant from Blade Runner.
Not a bad choice you pervs, but if you ask me, the obvious choice should have been Inspector Gadget and the late Optimus Prime. Two transformers? Come on people. Think of the all mechanical/sexual permutations that would have been possible.
At any rate. i aim to please, so here's your robotic fantasy come to life:
As for me, if i could get it on with the android of my choice, it would have to be this hottie, no contest.
The challenge: create a photoshop image that is even more freakin' disturbing than yesterday's Ward Churchil image.
Mission accomplished? i'll let you be the judge.
That's pretty ugly, but not as ugly as what he said on the floor of the Senate today, when he equated Senate Republicans with Hitler. Radio Blogger has the details.
Bird has completely lost his senses. How ironic for a Klansman to be lecturing on Nazism. At least he knows his subject.
By the way, i fully support this idea. If it's good enough for our stamps and money, it's good enough for West Virginia.
Ward Churchill is in full meltdown mode. Last Thursday, he swatted a newspaper at a Denver tv reporter, when the reporter tried to ask about the "Winter Attack" painting. Churchill wants to get fired. Like the Pearcy couple here in Sacramento, he thrives on his own controversy. He lives for it.
The University may oblige him.
Internal discussions at Colorado University are centering on a buyout offer to controversial professor Ward Churchill in order to quell the tempest caused by his characterizations of victims of Sept. 11, 2001, as 'little Eichmans' and to avoid a costly, drawn-out lawsuit, the Denver Post reports.What's the pool on his last day at CU?. . .
Colorado regents have authorized an internal review of Churchill's writings and speeches to determine if he should be fired. A decision is scheduled for the week of March 7, although Churchill could appeal if the university terminates his employment. Such a dismissal, even if not mired in the controversy surrounding Churchill's case, could last years and inpose [sic] expensive legal costs.
No no, i'm not expecting everyone anyone to get an annie's journal tattoo...
...although i won't discourage the idea.
Now that i think of it, that would be a great way to advertise - and i need only 93 more links to pass fatbody Oliver Willis on the Ecosystem!
Oh my, how could i have missed Kevin's latest haiku offering, on the Star Wars meme. An excerpt:
Princess Leia knowsIf Kevin were a gigantic slow moving furry bearded ram (and i can point to no evidence that he is not), i might be tempted to dub him the Basho of the Bantha.
she can never tell poor Han
that she blew Chewie
While you're at it, check out my lastest attempt to augment my referrals.
Interesting thought...
Sounds like fun, though.
i guess i should be happy that they're reading me in Peking, but still...
How rude.
An oldie but a goodie:
i do have some good news...
Heyo yeh!
A Snoop Dogg fan at the Peking Noodle Company?
Somebody stop me...
So i got that goin' for me...
...which is nice.
What a year it's been. i almost hate to see 2004 go. But it's time to celebrate an even more exciting year to come. Wow, 2005 already!
Have a great NYE everybody! Be safe. You know the drill: designate a driver and don't forget to bundle up when you're out in the weather. Don't want to start the year off with a nasty cold.
Thanks for all your many kindnesses this past year, and for just stopping by to read my nonsense. i love you all and i'll see you next year!
Thanks to the Instalanche, word is getting out about my great idea. Check out this exclusive photo, from last night's Kennedy Center Honors gala, where i imagine there was a lot of behind the scenes lobbying on behalf of Sir Elton.
It's only a matter of time before the mainstream media picks up on this, and when it happens, i plan to take full credit, of course.
