...it's not dark yet, but it's gettin' there...
It's a well known and scientifically accepted truth that we are all on the verge of a major environmental catastrophe, which can only be averted by the election of Bronco Bomber. Unfortunately, we can't count on the gun-toting, God-clinging, xenophobic racists who vote in this country to recognize the Obamessiah as the Planet's one and only salvation. It doesn't look good for the old Obameister right now, but don't despair. We can still do our part. Here are thirteen practical suggestions for making this year's Earth Day count:
Oh Baby Baby, how was I supposed to know...
...that these plain-wrap brand pickles would be so dang tasty.
I got them at Ralph's.
N.B. This post should in no way be construed as having been inspired by, or being in any way related to the previous post.
You may have seen a lot of applications on places like Facebook and MySpace, which promise to save the rainforests and stop global warming every time you click the mouse on their button.
I want to get in the act, because I care too. So here it is, save the earth, the Annika's Journal way. The more you click, the more you help save the earth.
Thanks for helping to save the earth. If we all work together, we can do it. For instance if ten thousand people clicked on that button this month it could actually help save the earth something like ten thousand times faster than normal earth saving methods would. If ten billion people clicked on that button, we might have so much earth savingness, that we could build another earth or planet or whatever. Which is pretty amazing if you think about it, and makes me feel real good about myself and how I'm doing my part and all.
I will not be coming back to do one hour specials on "owatism" and "dipression."
Fucken-a, why is Yahoo being so slow all the time? Holy crap.
I seriously don't know how people did their taxes before Turbotax.
More: Carlos Mencia explains why we need taxes.
I seriously don't know how people did chores like vacuuming and ironing before the iPod.
John Hawkins has his polls, I have mine.
I thought they had a phone in the john, but when I picked it up it blew hot air at me.
This weekend I realized something, and I wanted to share it with you. Despite being bombarded with dire warnings from every corner, I've never felt afraid about global warming. Not even once since all the hysteria began. Al Gore needs to work harder.
Cinnamon Dolce latte has returned to Starbucks!
OMG!
It is a semi well known fact that the number of Elvis impersonators in the world has increased exponentially since the singer's death in 1977. But how many of you know just how pronounced and dangerous the trend is?
According to the San Francisco Chronicle
When Elvis Presley died in 1977, there were an estimated 37 Elvis impersonators in the world. By 1993, there were 48,000 Elvis impersonators, an exponential increase. Extrapolating from this, by 2010 there will be 2.5 billion Elvis impersonators. The population of the world will be 7.5 billion by 2010. Every 3rd person will be an Elvis impersonator by 2010.That's one third of the Earth's total population, or 22,500,000,000 people. I don't know about you, but I'm not sure I want to be an Elvis impersonator.
To be sure, not all of the finest workings of global population science is yet fully understood to the finest grain. However, all of the basics are absolutely clear. The Elvis impersonator crisis is real, humans are causing the problem, and the solutions are available to us now. It is not too late to avoid the worst. All that is needed is the political will to act.
h/t Some Words To Not.
I checked out the Miss Nevada photos, and all I can say is she was working overtime. I can't believe she managed to do all that stuff in one night. She must have been exhausted afterwards. Listen, I had some wild times when I was her age, but dang gurl. Is there anyone in that room she didn't get funky on?
Victor here, still wired from watching my beloved Caps roll over one of the top two teams in hockey. Heckuva game and I'm not gonna be able to sleep for a couple of hours. I mean, it's 1:15 in the AM and I was going to go to work in about five hours, but not no more!
Instead, I'll clutter up annika's blog with a big hair video. I give you...The Flirts!
annika will soon begin to regret giving me posting rights.
Fiji's military commander, Frank Bananarama, has called on the Prime Minister and other members of the country's government to come out of hiding.
Fiji's ousted Prime Minister charted a plane yesterday and travelled with his family to an undisclosed location on the island of Venus Levu, when it appeared a coup was about to take place.
Bananarama said ministers will not be hurt in any way, during what he called a clean-up of the government by the military. He cautioned any who might oppose him that the government was now fully under his control. "We got it, yeah baby we got it," he added.
Blu wrote me to suggest that I mention the passing of Thomas Friedman, which I have now done.
Correction: Make that Milton. Told you econ was not my subject.
[part of a continuing series]
Panda Express is a phenomenon whose longevity, like that of rock & roll or the computer, seems unjustified by its present state of quality.
[in a continuing series]
Am I the only one who thinks it's ironic that even though he's dictator of the country with the GREATEST HEALTHCARE SYSTEM IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND, Fidel Castro is still going to die?
Dang, this was a long day.
I got an idea, fill the bucket with confetti!
Is Wednesday over yet?
In honor of Cinco de Mayo, which for some inexplicable reason was moved to May 1st this year, I plan to eat a burrito.
I love burritos. Did you know that the burrito was invented in San Francisco? Really. The restaurant that made the first burrito is still there. I used to eat there a lot. I can't remember the name of the place but they do make awesome burritos.
I also highly recommend the new McDonald's-owned place called Chipotle. Fantastic burritos there. It's a chain, so one should be popping up near you very soon. There's one in Sacramento, which always has a long line.
Today, when you say the word "burrito," say it like Carlos Mencia in this video. Roll your r's in solidarity with today's festivities. Or just for the heck of it, because it's fun to do. Say "Damn you burrito!"
Link via Casca.
Oh hey, today is Earth Day! I forgot all about it. Damn.
And I took an extra long, hot shower too. While running the dishwasher. With the heat-dry selected.
I'm going to go turn off some lights now. I wouldn't want to kill the Earth on Earth Day.
Update: I just found out about a thing us chicks can do to save the Earth that I will most definitely not be doing. No thank you. Sorry.
Hat tip to Feisty Republican Whore.
My first Easter themed post of the season.
The thing about eating from a bag of assorted jelly bellies is that there's no way to identify the various flavors, except by trusting your mouth.
Sometimes I'll just grab a bunch and then say I'm making my own flavor out of the combinations. But that usually results in something that consistently resembles sugary mud. Assuming I know what mud tastes like, which I don't.
Eating them one by one is like a flavor quiz.
Here's one that tastes like peanuts. Another that tastes like balsamic vinegar. Another that tastes like maple syrup.
This is fun.
Here's a yellow one. I expect lemon but it turns out to be banana. Cool.
Black should always be licorice. It is.
Here's a deep red one. It looks like a kidney bean. Ouch. It is a kidney bean. Who put that in there?
annikagyrl: what do you get when you put the OC after AI?
bettyspaggetti: idk
annikagyrl: aioc!
bettyspaggetti: lol
annikagyrl: lol
bettyspaggetti: that wasn't funny
I can't stand that AT&T campaign with Oasis' "All Around The World." I mean, it's on the radio every five minutes, it's on the tv every five minutes. I'm sick of it. I actually hate that song now.
1. I'm taking suggestions for a spring Fash-ism photo essay. Leave one in the comments.
2. Is the starling an ugly bird or a handsome bird?
3. That crane reminds me of the alien machines in Spielberg's War Of The Worlds. Dang, they were scary.
4. Hey over there. In the world of foundation, less is more. Look into it.
5. What is that smell?
6. I want an Audi TT convertible. Those things are sweet.
7. Shit, it's time to go. Do I have to go?
More scintillating blog content later.
the concept of "high energy" in advertising?
...or some other thing?
Update: "High energy" would be like loud upbeat music, lots of dancing kids, bright primary colors in motion, maybe a cartoon character or two breakdancing.
Okay, I got something more annoying, maybe. How about that barrista who's having so much fun she's just gotta yell all the time?
Is more movies about a family with a zillion kids.
<sarc>Keep them coming please.</sarc>
Has anyone ever used the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button on Google?
i haven't. But that's only because in all this excitement i can't remember if he fired six shots or only five.
Punk.
The mahi-mahi fish is also called the dolphin fish. (It's fun to watch people freak out when i tell them i've eaten dolphin meat.)
Do i want pizza; do i want bbq, or do i want smorgasbord?
Update: i went with J.R.'s Texas BBQ.
Everybody always talks about building a better mousetrap. Why don't we just build a worse mouse?
How about letting the teams re-design Martha's bangs?
id: i want to begin drinking beer as soon as i get home.
superego: i don't want to begin drinking beer as soon as i get home.
. . .
id: i want to throttle that idiot in front of the line who can't decide which scratcher to buy.
superego: i want to wait patiently like a good person.
id: i want to smash a 2 liter bottle of cola on that idiot's head while he cashes in his $2 scratcher so he can play again while i'm waiting.
superego: i am a good person.
. . .
id: i need new boots.
superego: i need to pay rent.
. . .
id: Martha's show is a must see on Wednesday nights.
superego: i have homework.
id: You are weak. Embrace your weakness.
superego: i am a responsible person.
id: Fuck you. You're weak and you know it.
. . .
id: Light beer is for sissies. It tastes bad.
superego: i can always do an extra set of stairmaster tomorrow.
id: That's my girl.
. . .
id: Leftover pizza tastes great with a beer.
superego: i believe it does. But still.
. . .
ego: Can't we all just get along? i suggest a compromise. i was good, and didn't smash a 2 liter bottle of cola on that idiot's head, therefore i deserve to reward myself by drinking a beer and watching Martha.
id: What about the pizza?
. . .
id: i need new boots.
superego: mmm boots.
Yah, sure. But what does she know about Arabian horses?
On my Starbuck's cup today was the following blurb:
The Way I See It #53Hmm. My response?Be exceptional. Make tremendous efforts to be extraordinary. What a privilege to be here on the planet to contribute your unique donation to humankind. Just make sure you do so...
--Shelby Lynne
Blah blah blah blah. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. clunk.Shaddap.
What if Sacramento won a sports championship and nobody cared?
What if Rita Cosby moved to MSNBC and nobody noticed?
i don't know what it means, but i'm sure it's significant in some strange metaphysical way.
For safety reasons i have regularly monitored the actuation readings of this blog on a semi-periodic basis. Up until now, i have done this without telling anyone, because i didn't want to alarm you.
Now, with the new federal regulations set to kick in at the beginning of next year, i've decided to make the semi-periodic actuation readings public. i feel it's always better for my visitors to know, rather than to not know. And i am proud to say that this is the first blog in the history of the blogosphere to comply in advance with the upcoming, more stringent federal guidelines as enumerated at Title 51, vol. 3, ch. XVIII, parts 751 to 782, subparts S through T, inclusive.
i hope that by providing this information to you, i have put at least some of your minds at ease. Feel free to contact me with any concerns you might have, but at this time i'd like to remind everyone that to date there has been no credible study linking blog actuation levels to any serious health risk. However, i'm sure you will agree that it never hurts to be safe and informed. That's part of my commitment to you, dear visitor, to keep you safe and/or informed.
Carry on.
When did the accent switch from the first syllable to the second?
My catchphrase for today is:
"T-1 is a joke."
If he can't blow a note unless the bass and guitars are with him, i ask you, what good is he?
White smoke.
Got pope.
developing . . .
Seriously, it's kind of exciting. i hope it's the German.
Update to the update: Note to the non-Catholic, but curious: If you thought the conclave was exciting, wait until you see our convlex!
A medieval theme restaurant wouldn't disqualify a guy out of a goodnight kiss from me.
One poppy seed is flavorless on its own.
Many poppy seeds on a bagel have a slight flavor.
Do really lonely farm robots fuck electric sheep?
annika's journal gets mail, and Robot Week is no exception.To: Annika
From: Leonard Nimoy
Subject: Robots
Dear Annika,
I was reading through your blog from beginning to end, and I noticed this Robot related post from last March. In it you incorrectly refer to Iron Man as a colossal death robot.
Allow me to point out that Iron Man, while colossal and deadly, was not a robot at all. A key fact, which you seem to have quite forgotten, is that Iron Man "was turned to steel in a great magnetic field."
Logic therefore dictates that Iron Man was at one time a carbon-based life form, and at no time was he a mechanical device, which by definition all robots are.
Please correct this error.Sorry, Mr. Nimoy. If that is your real name. It's too late to correct that entry, so you can just kiss my ass.
Iron Man? Gimme a break. "Why should we even care?"
Any more celebrities wanna take a shot at me?
Attention.
i have unilaterally decided to designate this week as Robot Week here on annika's journal.
i'm not sure what all that will entail, besides putting up the new poll on my sidebar, which i encourage you to vote in.
Oh, and experimenting with a new robot-friendly font.
Maybe i'll do a post about Al Gore...
...in Fortran.
Any suggestions?
Robot week! Come celebrate it with me.
Laurie Dhue appears to be retaining water.
Developing...
Intelligence czar?
The first order of business, i would imagine, will be teaching the president how to pronounce "nuclear."
No no, i'm not expecting everyone anyone to get an annie's journal tattoo...
...although i won't discourage the idea.
Now that i think of it, that would be a great way to advertise - and i need only 93 more links to pass fatbody Oliver Willis on the Ecosystem!
Over at Paul's a commenter named EEKer posted the following comment, and i can't decide whether it's a lame idea or a genius idea.
Years ago I was able to convince my wife that it would be really romantic to switch off for Valentines every year. One year she is the Valentine and the next I am. This was a good move. She ate it up and loves the idea. Now I'm off the hook at least every other year. This year I'm coasting!i guess it depends on how long the relationship has been around. It would probably be a bad idea to suggest trading off years when you're still dating. But after a few years of marriage, i could see the idea having its advantages.
Interesting thought...
Sounds like fun, though.
i guess i should be happy that they're reading me in Peking, but still...
How rude.
An oldie but a goodie:
i do have some good news...
Heyo yeh!
A Snoop Dogg fan at the Peking Noodle Company?
Somebody stop me...
So i got that goin' for me...
...which is nice.
In the year 2005 I resolve to: |
via Ginger.
The best part of the game so far has been listening to the crowd boo Ashley Simpson. That was fucking awesome!
Memo to Ashley: You make me wanna uh uh uh uh too. Then i flush the toilet.
The following thought took place between 8:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m., while watching episode nine from my 24: Season One DVD set:
Why isn't Jack Bauer kicking somebody's ass? He needs to kick somebody's ass right now.
Can you get a stye in your lip?
Would that be called a slip?
Do squids have lips?
Dreyer's now makes an excellent spumoni flavor.
excellent spumoni flavor.
To my dad, great comedy = Jeeves and Wooster.
To my mom, great comedy = Dumb and Dumber.
How they ever got together i'll never know.
Of what substance is the crusty black shit that collects on a mousepad and on the bottom of a mouse made of? It's hella gross.
i honestly don't see how Subway can stay in business with Quizno's out there.
Cas-a-cading style sheets,
You've got me on the go!
Cas-a-cading style sheets,
i'm all a-quiver.
When a mess i’m writing!
The neighbors want to know
Why i'm always typing
Sounds like a flivver.
Each morning i get up with the sun -
Start a-blogging,
Never stopping -
To find at night no work has been done.
i know that
Once it didn't matter -
But now i’m doing wrong;
When i start to patter
i'm so unhappy.
Can't i take a day off?
Decide to run along
Somewhere far away off -
And make it snappy!
Oh, how i long to be the gyrl i used to be!
Cas-a-cading style sheets,
On won't you stop picking on me?
That sickeningly sweet and condescending tone of voice that Joe Rogan and Bill O'Reilly use when talking to pretty women is way unattractive. Way unattractive.
Try to avoid using it.
"Yaaah, go Chris Brown!"
seconds later:
"Yaaah, c'mon Favre!"
i am the John Kerry of football fans.
You haven't really enjoyed the song "Margaritaville" until you've heard it sung to the accompaniment of an ukulele.
Who is this guy Bronco Bomber everybody is talking about? Sounds like a wrestler to me.
Is it wrong to eat the rest of the mint chocolate chip ice cream left over from last week's office baby shower for breakfast?
i think not.
When people sneeze multiple times in succession, are you supposed to say "God bless you" after every sneeze or can you just say it after the first sneeze?
i just saw the biggest, scariest looking dragonfly i've ever seen, out on the sidewalk in front of this office building. It must have been six inches long.
They're not dangerous are they?
i just saw Yankee Doodle Dandy on AMC. Fantastic movie. One thing still puzzles me though, which was never explained in the film.
Why on earth would Yankee Doodle go to London just to ride a pony?
Let's stop feeling sorry for MKO.
Can somebody make all celebrities just go away. Please?
Link thanks to Glenn.
