...it's not dark yet, but it's gettin' there...

January 31, 2005

A Fabulous Prize Will Be Awarded

What could possibly be more absurdly ridiculous than Victor's impromptu Joe Don Baker haiku contest last September? i don't know if that boondoggle can be topped, but i'd like to give it a try.

So today, in a moment of dubious inspiration, i decided that i should hold a kiss.gif haiku contest. Like last time, there will be a prize for the winner. Unlike last time, i will pick a time limit and stick to it.

i think KISS is funny, but it doesn't matter if you despise them, or if you're a lifelong member of of the KISS Army. Hell, half the contestants in the Joe Don Baker contest never even heard of the man. All entries are welcome, and will be judged strictly according to my own secretive and arbitrary criteria.

Please feel free to post your entries here by 10:00 p.m. Pacific Standard Time on Thursday, February 3, 2005. i will then select a winner, who will receive a very nice mystery prize. The rest of you i will see in the boardroom, where somebody will be fired.

Update: Thenk you to everyone who participated. Fifty excellent poems were submitted. Now i must try to decide upon a winner.

Posted by annika, Jan. 31, 2005 |
Rubric: Poetry


Make-up like blind girls
evidently undead can still tour—
screeching like caught mice.

Posted by: shane on Jan. 31, 2005

I call this one "Nightmare: My Mind Freezes As In A Blizzard As I Ponder the Thing That Is Gene Simmons Talking To A Groupie":

One in my tight pants.
One in my make-up caked mouth.
Which lizard, baby?


Posted by: ccwbass on Jan. 31, 2005

a strong start, dudes.

Posted by: annika on Jan. 31, 2005

Wanna rock and roll!
All night? Well, not anymore.
It's these damn goiters . . .

Posted by: ccwbass on Feb. 1, 2005

Small hands and small feet.
Get a load of that long tongue,
but he can't use it!

Posted by: Victor on Feb. 1, 2005

Gene Simmons reflects
On the autumn of his years.
You know that's a wig.

"Kiss sucks!" we shouted,
in my youth, back in high school.
Kiss still sucks these days.

Posted by: Victor on Feb. 1, 2005

Detroit Rock City
Lack of music skills hid by
Tammy Faye makeup

Posted by: Tony on Feb. 1, 2005

KISS on the jukebox
Take it off, give it to me
Be my valentine

Posted by: d-rod on Feb. 1, 2005

Gene, stick that frickin' tongue of yours
back in your mouth you filthy
damn pig

Posted by: Emily on Feb. 1, 2005

Kiss were once revealed.
Ears discovered, sales suffered.
Make-up re-applied.

Posted by: peteb on Feb. 1, 2005

You know, even tho Emily's doesn't fit the 5-7-5 definition of a haiku, it's the best one so far.

Posted by: Victor on Feb. 1, 2005

My wife saw you play
you spit on her with fake blood
I hope it was fake

Posted by: Tom on Feb. 1, 2005

The day's almost here
When the make-up's always on,
Lest our age be seen.

Sure, we gad about
Like plucky demons on stage,
Rockin' and rollin'

Better to fade out,
Decrepit in our aged rut,
Than to brightly shine

For one great moment
And quit before we're the joke.
We believed that, right?

We can't remember;
Must be our medication.
What was the question?

(Naked fingers point
Against white skies - leaves long gone
Dogs piss on the trunk)

[kinda had to put the last one in so that I entered at least one actual haiku. -CW]

Posted by: ccwbass on Feb. 1, 2005

just for kicks, let me get in here:

MJ fixed his nose
after Gene fixed his tongue, but
whose face is whiter?

Posted by: annika on Feb. 1, 2005

I think you should score yourself an extra point for finding a way to get Frankenstein's monster in there.

Posted by: ccwbass on Feb. 1, 2005

Victor wakes: cold sweats
same dark nightmare haunts his dreams
Joe Don and Gene: one

Posted by: Ted on Feb. 1, 2005

Annika's contest
Is totally invalid
It's not Wednesday

"What else do I have to know? It's illegal."

(Rep.Sonny Bono, Dec.)

Posted by: shelly on Feb. 1, 2005

'midst Simon, Paula,
Randy: Gene judged the idols
and found them wanting

Posted by: annika on Feb. 1, 2005

Oh, that's good, Annie...

"Rock and roll all night"
tiresome melody of youth
I grieve my own taste

Posted by: Hugo on Feb. 1, 2005

And where is my interview?

Posted by: Hugo on Feb. 1, 2005

Fuck this lame contest
I'm going to the bathroom
with Anni's Journal

Posted by: Casca on Feb. 1, 2005

Sid Vicious shoots smack
Elvis dies on the toilet
KISS still rules the world

Kabuki makeup
Amps stacked up to the rafters
Can't wait for the show

Ted Nugent opened
KISS then took the stage and then
Blew the damn roof off

Thirty six years old
You'd think my tastes might change but
you would be quite wrong

Simple loud cock-rock
Cartoon show for teenage boys
Just embrace your youth

Posted by: El Capitan on Feb. 1, 2005

Ha, this is so fun. i feel like paula abdul.

Here's another one (Don't worry, i won't pick my own haiku):

He who studies hard
while KISS music is playing
will ace test freely.

Posted by: annika on Feb. 1, 2005

Look at the first post
it is not a Haku Poem
to many phrases

Posted by: Tom on Feb. 2, 2005

Rock and roll all night;
Party ev'ry day - sounds like
Law school's Free Beer Day.
(my law school, anyway)

Posted by: Tony on Feb. 2, 2005

with all that makeup
I can get kind of confused
where's the clown posse?

Posted by: Derek on Feb. 2, 2005

if my dick can talk
and my balls have psychic gifts,
it's all thanks to KISS

KISS can kiss my ass
Gene Simmons once raped my cat
with that goddamn tongue

I'd do Shannon Tweed
but I fear she doesn't like
men who dress like men

it's on video
I saw Annie blow a KISS
hope you've got Quicktime

what if Gene Simmons
had to fight Joe Don Baker?
scrote-shriveling thought!

ass of Gene Simmons
rudely penetrated by
tongue of Gene Simmons


Posted by: Kevin Kim on Feb. 2, 2005

Never listened much
Not because I hated them
Just after my time.

Posted by: wheels on Feb. 2, 2005

Lol, keep em coming!

Combine cat-blogging
with a haiku about KISS:
Peter Criss's face.

Selleck's best movie
wasn't Quigley Down Under
it was Runaway.

KISS plays Santa Cruz--
college mascot goes missing!
Think Simmons ate it?

Posted by: annika on Feb. 2, 2005

You got me real hot
Red light, green light, don't say "No"
Just make love all night

Posted by: d-rod on Feb. 2, 2005

Gene, Paul, Ace and Pete
fall apart, then reunite!
Wasn't once enough?

Play the old records.
Listen with a teenage heart.
Rock n Roll all nite!

What were Kiss doing?
What were they all pursuing?
Just Plaster Casters.

Posted by: Tuning Spork on Feb. 2, 2005

Love Gun was a blast.
Psycho Circus made me mad.
Stickin' with the past.

Posted by: Tuning Spork on Feb. 2, 2005

Paul and Gene in charge;
Ace and Peter hit the road.
Crowds were not as large.

Hey, I'm just trying to inject meter and rhyme into Haiku. ;)

KISS had just one goal:
Be the band you want to see.
Then we'll rock n roll!

Posted by: Tuning Spork on Feb. 2, 2005

Haiku is so fun.
Sentence fragments tightly formed!
Please hand me a gun...

Posted by: Tuning Spork on Feb. 2, 2005

They were a fresh band,
but the Geritol kicked in.
Give it a rest, guys.

Posted by: physics geek on Feb. 3, 2005

Hot sweet and sticky
God created rock and roll
Like candied ginger

Posted by: d-rod on Feb. 3, 2005

Gene thinks he is hot
Long, gross tongue, hideous face
please leave now, old man

Posted by: Pursuit on Feb. 3, 2005

The Commando Trilogy:

KISS on a mission
strike-and-fade inside Baghdad
lick the terrorists

Zarqawi strapped down
Gene Simmons stands over him:
"Will this hurt? Ooooooooh, yes."

Zarqawi in tears
"Please-- no more," he gasps to Gene
...then Joe Don walks in


Posted by: Kevin Kim on Feb. 3, 2005

Time's up. Nice job everybody!

Posted by: annika on Feb. 3, 2005

Kiss Rules-Fuck you and your site!! BIATCH!!!

Posted by: Iggy on Mar. 10, 2005