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July 10, 2005

The Kick-Ass Movie Assassins Runoff: Round Two Results

With 99 votes in, i'm calling round two of the Kick-Ass Movie Assassins Runoff for Beatrix Kiddo. As you recall, i asked you to vote on the following question:

If Lara Croft and Beatrix Kiddo were each given orders to kill each other, who would win?
For those not dialed in to the popular culture, Lara Croft is the kick-ass girl archaeologist/secret agent played by Angelina Jolie in the Tomb Raider movies based on the popular videogame. Beatrix Kiddo is the master assassin from Kill Bill volumes 1 and 2, also known as the Bride, or Black Mamba.

The early voting was very close with Lara Croft and Beatrix running neck and neck until about fifty votes were in. Then Beatrix pulled away and kept a substantial lead until the end. As of this writing Lara Croft had 37% to Beatrix Kiddo's 63%.

For me, the choice was easy, and not just because Kill Bill vol. 2 is perhaps the best movie i've seen since L.A. Confidential. Beatrix Kiddo was totally fearless. She survived getting shot in the head and being buried alive. Only a couple months after waking up from a four year coma, she defeated the entire Crazy 88's bodyguard with just a samurai sword, then dispatched a well rested O-Ren Ishii. She may be the only person in the world who knows the secret five-point exploding heart technique.

By contrast, the only thing Lara Croft could make explode was a pair of nipples through a quarter inch of neoprene. There's a scene in The Cradle Of Life where she's pointing a big gun at the bad guy and her hand was shaking! Some bad-ass. Black Mamba wouldn't give her a second thought.

Next up, for Round Three i've chosen an obvious match-up: Maggie from Point Of No Return vs. Nikita from La Femme Nikita (The Luc Besson film, not the tv show). This should be a good fight. So scroll down and vote!

And while you're at it, do check out my friend Matt's Baddest-Ass Post-Apocalyptic Movie Hero Tournament. Round One is Max from the Mad Max series vs. Reese from The Terminator.

P.S. Click here to see my Round One results: Jason Bourne vs. Jack Bauer.

Posted by annika, Jul. 10, 2005 | TrackBack (0)
Rubric: Let's Go To Hollywood


Point of No Return is the American remake of La Femme Nikita, right? Bridget Fonda sucks, so I'll go with the original. The choices for Round 3 are kind of redundant. You should have put in Jean Reno's character from The Professional instead of Gaggie.

Posted by: reagan80 on Jul. 10, 2005

sorry uber "kill all males" women characters leave me flat. Too much subliminal feminist man-hate there.

Posted by: Kyle on Jul. 10, 2005

You picked the worst possible picture of Anne Parillaud on purpose, didn't you.

Belle Annika, parfois je me demande...


Posted by: Kevin Kim on Jul. 11, 2005

The only thing which gave me pause was Lara Croft's seemingly unlimited budget. But Beatrix has plenty of budget available to do the job.

There is a much to love about both Kill Bills. When you watch Kill Bill again, watch for an unbroken camera shot of Sophie Fatale leaving the upstairs dining room, crossing down and through the dance club, and into the hallway leading to the restroom, where the camera picks up Mr. and Mrs. Charlie Brown, then follows them back through the dance club, and upstairs to the dining area, without a cut in sight, with all the dance club/restaurant action happening all around everyone the whole time. Its a magical sequence, and is a Hollywood director at the absolute top of his game.

The Japanese garden fight scene is also trancendent. I think it could be studied by sports teams, and used as an example of courage and grace under pressurized conditions. Both women focus completely and bravely on their task, without allowing outside mind noise(about fear of death, etc.) to intrude upon their consciousness.

Beatrix is wounded, and it looks as if she likely shall die. She responds by saying to Oren, respectfully yet definitively: "Do your best." It is honorable to be slain by a skillful opponent at the top of their powers, and Beatrix will allow no less.

Later, Oren Ishii apologizes for insulting Beatrix. Again, there is no honor in either defeating, or being defeated by, and unskilled or dishonorable opponent. This is an important moment in the garden fight.

One last moment I love is in Kill Bill II, when Beatrix exits Bud's trailer with only her Samurai sword. This is a comment on attachment and nonattachment. At that moment, Beatrix has one focus: to kill Bill. She left behind a priceless Samurai Sword, and a suitcase filled with $1 Million dollars. She obviously made a judgement that gathering either of these things would only impede her progress towards attaining her primary goal. I love that.

Posted by: gcotharn on Jul. 11, 2005