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January 06, 2007

Lindsay Logan Update

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LINDSAY'S APPENDIX DIAGNOSED FROM PAPARAZZI PHOTO ANALYSIS — EXPERTS SAY BRITTANY OKAY

A's J Exclusive!!!

CENTURY CITY, CA — Sources close to mega-pop star Lindsay Logan have confirmed that her emergency appendectomy was the result of a little known experimental procedure called "toxicological remote analysis of medical photography."

The new technique uses super-high magnification of ordinary photographs to enable early diagnosis of many life threatening ailments, according to doctors at Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles.

"By analyzing any external snapshot under extreme magnification one can often see inside the patient's body," explained Dr. Valderramma, a pioneer in the new technique. "It all depends of course, on the particular orifice present on the photographic film."

Dr. Valderramma, an otorhinolaryngologist, often uses toxicological remote analysis of medical photography to screen his own patients for tonsillectomies.

"The technique is most useful for diagnosing tonsillitis, since photographs showing a patient's mouth are commonly available," said Valderramma. Evidently, it was only a matter of time before someone applied the same method to check for disorders of the lower torso, such as appendicitis.

"Nowadays anyone can easily obtain photographs of a young lady's cootch on the internet," explained Dr. Valderramma. "So in a way, Ms. Lohan is quite lucky that someone performed the analysis on one of her paparazzi photos. Her own skankiness may have saved her life."

"It's just another example of the wonders of modern science," the doctor added with a wide grin.

Posted by annika, Jan. 6, 2007 | TrackBack (0)
Rubric: American Skankwomen



Comments

We're beggin' ya...

Posted by: shelly on Jan. 7, 2007

I still wanna know who this Lindsay Logan person is.

Posted by: Tuning Spork on Jan. 7, 2007

Well, not too long ago she was an adorable little red-headed, freckle-faced girl who starred in the remake of "The Parent Trap" in the late 90's but somewhere along the way she traded in that image for her current one. It's actually Lindsay Lohan if you're looking for her on the web.

Posted by: Joules on Jan. 7, 2007

I motion for a new skank to obsess over. Anyone second this?

Posted by: ElMondoHummus on Jan. 8, 2007

Poor Britney. She just can't get anyone to pay attention to her anymore.

Posted by: Mark on Jan. 8, 2007

I was thinking this weekend that Kellie Pickler may have the potential to out-white-trash the Queen of White Trash -- Britney herself. But she could prove to be a great disappointment; those country gals tend to keep it more on the DL.

Posted by: Matt on Jan. 8, 2007

Heh, Britney, Queen of White Trash... and she used to be such a cute little schoolgirl... wearing plaid... in stockings... (*drool*)...

And then she went all trailer park on us going after the second creepiest ersatz celebrity on the planet... eeeeeechhh... and all the desire evaporated. Just how good can her judgement be?

Posted by: ElMondoHummus on Jan. 8, 2007

Well, thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I've now seen graphic photos of Brittany Spears', Paris Hilton's and Lindsay Lohan's shaved coochies up close and personal; what the Hell is left for me to do in life?

What is in these airheads' minds that they need to cement themselves to car seats???

Posted by: shelly on Jan. 9, 2007