A Great Disturbance In Paradise

Just when i was about to give up on boring old Brittany and start blogging about Lindsay full time, the rumors start up again.

By way of introduction, here's the no shit sherlock quote of the year:

Her mom is very clear about the fact that she doesn't think Kevin is right for Britney . . . And [she] even suggests that maybe she shouldn't have married him to begin with.

So here we are, less than a year after the big wedding, and there's talk of a break-up.

Hard as that is to believe.

The marriage started off well. Brittany promising to pay for everything. Brittany buying Kevin a Ferrari. Brittany promising to help the child of Kevin's ex, whom he kicked to the curb when he found true love (and Brit's bank account). Kevin promising to help clean up after Bit-Bit more often. Brittany giving Kevin a hand-job in public. Ah, those were happy times.

Then came the thrilling news, after weeks of pointless denials that no one believed: Brittany was pregnant! And we all watched breathlessly as she went baby clothes shopping. We laughed adoringly while she "ate for two." We supported her, as i'm sure Kevin did, when she tried to quit smoking for the baby's sake. Then, when little SPF was born, like George Bailey we wept and prayed.

Wept and prayed.

i think i speak for all of us when i say i hoped things could have always stayed that perfect. After Brad and Jen, and Ben and Jen, and Renee and Ken, and Barbie and Ken, and Nick and Jess, and Paris², and Paris and Nicole, and ... i just don't know how many more celebrity break-ups i can take. But Kev and Brit, now that was one that was meant for the ages.

i mean, it was only two short weeks ago that we saw this happy scene: Kevin and Brittany strolling and waddling, respectively, out for a lovely day at a private beach.

But now we hear rumors of a great disturbance in paradise. As if dozens of Brittany fans suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

Did Brittany throw Kevin out on his ass? Did she cut off Kevin's credit cards? Did Brittany's mom meet up with Kevin's ex, just to collect more dirt on the guilty guy? Did Kevin beg Brittany in Vegas to give him another chance. Did our girl hang tough. Did Kevin respond by saying: "Yo, least let me have the Ferrari back, bayatch." Did Brittany call him toxic? Did she throw his ring back, the one she paid for? Is it all over?

Nah, it was too good to be true.