...it's not dark yet, but it's gettin' there...

February 06, 2005

KISS Haiku Contest Update

i've narrowed it down to ten finalists in my kiss.gif haiku contest. i wanted to make it nine, but i just can't bring myself to cut one from the list. i think the finalists represent a pretty good mix of the gross haiku, the historical perspective haiku, the anti-KISS haiku, and the haiku with the humorous twist. Here they are:

Tony understands law school and haiku:

Rock and roll all night;
Party ev'ry day - sounds like
Law school's Free Beer Day.

i love Kevin's use of the double entendre here:

it's on video
I saw Annie blow a KISS
hope you've got Quicktime

And this one is just gross, but what else do you expect from the Big Hominid?

ass of Gene Simmons
rudely penetrated by
tongue of Gene Simmons

Tuning Spork says he was trying to introduce meter and rhyme into the contest. i'm not sure he succeded, but i did like this one, which pretty succinctly describes the KISS career cycle:

Paul and Gene in charge;
Ace and Peter hit the road.
Crowds were not as large.

Pursuit's final line in this next haiku is hilarious:

Gene thinks he is hot
Long, gross tongue, hideous face
please leave now, old man

The next one, by a man i once called "The Mark Russell of the Blogosphere" (perhaps prematurely), had me ROTFL:

One in my tight pants.
One in my make-up caked mouth.
Which lizard, baby?

And Emily's lone submission is a crowd favorite, not in spite of, but because of its disregard for the rules.

Gene, stick that frickin' tongue of yours
back in your mouth you filthy
damn pig

Tom gained the support of the Maximum World Order's poet laureate with this one:

My wife saw you play
you spit on her with fake blood
I hope it was fake

El Capitan's haiku were all great, but i picked this one because i figured we had to have at least one poem in the finals that didn't bash KISS:

Ted Nugent opened
KISS then took the stage and then
Blew the damn roof off

And i like the message in number ten, also by El Capitan. To me it says: resistance is futile, you will be assimilated by the KISS Army, regardless of how sucky the band is.

Simple loud cock-rock
Cartoon show for teenage boys
Just embrace your youth

The unfortunate thing about contests is that not everyone can win. Honorable mentions should go to D-Rod for his attempt to work Valentine's day into the contest; Ted for making fun of Victor's Joe Don Baker obsession; Victor for actually working the word "autumn" into his haiku without sounding forced; Shelly and Tom for their slightly non-conforming poems, which i'm convinced were intentionally tweaked ("Haku?" ... "Wed-nes-day?"); Derek for making the only stoner reference, however oblique, in a contest about a rock-and-roll band; and Tuning Spork for the haiku that ended with "please hand me a gun" which made me snort liquid.

Any help in deciding a winner is welcome.

Posted by annika, Feb. 6, 2005 |
Rubric: Poetry


I think it shoule be me.

Just, you know . . . because.

Posted by: ccwbass on Feb. 6, 2005

Actually, your readers are the winners... there were many, many "top-drawer" haikus...

Posted by: jtb-in-texas on Feb. 7, 2005


Posted by: Victor on Feb. 7, 2005

I'd just like to thank our delightful host. I have never written a haiku before, and now my one and only effort is a finalist entry in a haiku Kiss contest. I'm thinking, I should just retire now, cuz it can't get much better than this!

Posted by: Pursuit on Feb. 7, 2005

Copy what Pursuit said - and thanks for picking my entry as a finalist. That said, I think Tom's was really good - I figure any haiku that makes me laugh deserves to win.

Posted by: Tony on Feb. 7, 2005

Tough call, but I vote for Tom. I appreciate the way he personalized it, and the last line does a great job of saying volumes in few words.

Posted by: Matt on Feb. 7, 2005

A very tough choice indeed.

I'm going with Emily!!

Posted by: red on Feb. 7, 2005

I vote for Emily's as well, and not ONLY because I fear what she might do to me if I didn't. ;-)

Posted by: Dave J on Feb. 7, 2005

This crowd say, for the disregard of almost every haiku rule (in a haiku contest) AND for summing up the general reaction to KISS - Emily!

Posted by: peteb on Feb. 7, 2005

Sweet! Not bad for a few minutes of work! Next up, KISS sonnets!

Shooting from the hip
I land two in the top 10
Man, I hope I win!

Posted by: El Capitan on Feb. 7, 2005

What can I say? I am an artiste. I cannot allow myself to be harnassed by such miniscule constraints like rules of rhythm and format. And to be fair, nearly everyone above submitting a vote on my behalf is actually a friend of mine who are probably voting for me for reasons other than a deep appreciation for my art.

Not that I wouldn't love to put "Winner, 2005 KISS haiku contest" on my resume or anything. That would be cool.

Posted by: Emily on Feb. 7, 2005


Posted by: Mr Bingley on Feb. 7, 2005

Tho I do like Emily's, and Capitan's entry #10, I'm a-gotta vote for Tom's.

Posted by: Tuning Spork on Feb. 7, 2005

In the interests of self preservation, I vote for Emily.

Posted by: Bill McCabe on Feb. 7, 2005


Posted by: Andrew Ian Dodge on Feb. 8, 2005

And to be fair, nearly everyone above submitting a vote on my behalf is actually a friend of mine who are probably voting for me for reasons other than a deep appreciation for my art.

I thought I had made a new friend, until the last part. I, for one, have a deep appreciation for Emily's art.

Posted by: Victor and his seventeen pet rats on Feb. 8, 2005

Victor, you have made a new friend. Especially since I am now comforted knowing that my genius has been appreciated in my time.

Posted by: Emily on Feb. 8, 2005