...it's not dark yet, but it's gettin' there...

May 18, 2004

Question:

Is it me, or has Michel Moore gotten fatter? The last time i saw him was at the Oscars in 2003. i don't think he looked as humongous back then. What he needs is a personal trainer. A tough one, like at one of those boot camps for fatties, maybe.

i can almost picture it now:

Holy Jesus! What is that? WHAT IS THAT?!

Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!

A jelly doughnut?!

Sir, yes, sir!

How did it get here?

Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!

Is chow allowed in the barracks, Moore?

Sir, no, sir!

Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Moore?

Sir, no, sir!

And why not?

Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!

Because you are a DISGUSTING FATBODY, Moore!

Sir, yes, sir!

And i'd love to see Moore trying to run laps, with the personal trainer alongside to motivate him:
Pick 'em up and set 'em down, Moore! Quickly! Move it up!

Were you born a fat slimy scumbag, you piece of shit?! Or did you have to work on it?

Move it up! Quickly! Hustle up!

The fucking war will be over by the time we get up there, won't it, Moore? MOVE IT!

Are you going to fucking die, Moore? Are you going to die on me?! Do you feel dizzy? Do you feel faint? Jesus H. Christ, I think you've got a hard-on!

Yah, boot camp might do him a lot of good, i think.

Posted by annika, May. 18, 2004 |
Rubric: annikapunditry



Comments

Heh...Lee Ermey's DI routine from Full Metal Jacket never does get old, does it?

"Did your parents have any children that lived?! I bet they regretted it!"

Posted by: Dave J on May. 18, 2004

It'd kill him. Which would do all of us a lot of good. (Moore, too. He epitomizes the phrase, "a life not worth living.")

Posted by: Matt on May. 18, 2004

Yup, he is fatter. Sorry, not a very interesting comment, but I wanted to reassure you. He is, in fact, much fatter.

Posted by: Courtney on May. 19, 2004

That ole ticker oughta be blowin'a valve anytime now, hehehe. Just desserts, eh wot? I think I'll have a case of krispy kreme's delivered to his suite. Dammit, stop me before I pun again!

Posted by: Casca on May. 20, 2004

Maybe he should update his book to "Dude, where's my waistline?"..tie some ropes on him and he'll be in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade..

Posted by: steve on May. 25, 2004

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