A Lot Of People Don't Realize...

A lot of people don't realize that i was originally cast for the role of Phoebe in the very first Friends pilot episode. Yes, it's true. They saw me in my high school production of Camelot, and apparently thought i'd be great for the dumb blonde part.

Another little known fact is that the series was originally set in Cancun. This was simply an excuse to keep us all in bathing suits, for marketing reasons. We filmed the pilot during one hazy debauched weekend on the beach and at a club called, coincidentally, Los Amigos. Matt LeBlanc does look great in jammies, by the way.

The reason they decided not to use me in the final cast might have had something to do with my well known weakness for tequila. Plus the fact that i kept shouting "lime!" then giggling uncontrollably when i'd forget my lines. Matt Perry thought that was hilarious.

i'm dissapointed that they fired me, of course. A million dollars an episode would come in handy right about now. But it's for the best, i guess. i would have spent it all on rehab anyway. i am glad that i did leave my own little mark on the show when i came up with the genesis for Phoebe's famous "Smelly Cat" song.

It was originally entitled "Shitty Cat," which was changed to "Crappy Cat," when the network decided that they needed to air the show before ten o'clock at night. i wrote that song during my "cat poetry" phase. Another fine example from that genre can be found here.

i still keep in touch with my "friends" and usually find myself calling on them when my gambling debts become a bit unmanageable. Jeniffer Aniston is always willing to spare me a few c-notes when she can, usually sending them over through an intermediary since she, for some reason, refuses to meet with me in person anymore.

i don't know how many times one should be expected to apologize for an innocent question to someone's husband. i simply asked Brad about the extent of his knowledge of Trojans. You know, he plays a trojan in that movie, so i didn't see what the big deal was, but she made such a stink about it.

But i'm really closest to David Swimmer, who let me in on a little secret about tonight's finale episode. i can't reveal too much, but i will tell you that all six characters end up in a small-town jail, accused of the crime of "criminal indifference."

Wait a minute, that's not right.

You know, a lot of people don't realize i was originally cast for the role of Elaine in the pilot episode of Seinfeld . . .