...it's not dark yet, but it's gettin' there...

May 27, 2005

My I ♥ Huckabees Review

A pithy and/or lame movie review.



Shockingly bad, on so many levels.

Earns the rarely given Netflix one star rating ("hated it.")

Self-satisfied, pretentious new age bull-shit.

Less fun than repeatedly hitting yourself in the nose with a large rubber ball.

A comedy that thinks it's about philosophy, or a philosophical movie that thinks it's a comedy. Whatever, it fails either way.

Not a single likeable character.

For a movie that's supposed to appeal to the narrow demographic of touchy-feely new-agey politically-correct elitist guru-gropin' dolly-llama-lovin' tree-huggin' liberal fuckturds, the main characters sure are an unpleasant passive-agressive lot with major anger management issues.

Far and away the worst entry in last year's Jude Law trifecta.

This shit-fest places its liberal point of view front-and-center. Yet the only persons of color are a tall skinny African, who has about five lines, and two black security guards. Can we say stereotype? How about racist?

Jason Schwartzman, already hideously ugly, refuses to wash his hair even once.

The obligatory anti-Christian jab, which has become de rigeur for American filmmakers these days, is extended to a full scene.

Features an ass-fucking in the mud scene.

'nuff said.

Full disclosure: i once went out with one of those new-age freakos, and i still have unresolved issues about that whole thing.

Posted by annika, May. 27, 2005 |
Rubric: Let's Go To Hollywood


don't sugar coat it, annika.
tell us what you really think.

Posted by: louielouie on May. 28, 2005

Thanks for saving me from seeing this piece of junk.

Posted by: gcotharn on May. 28, 2005

If anything, it was WAY worse even than that.

Posted by: Dave J on May. 28, 2005
Features an ass-fucking in the mud scene.

Is that an ass-fuck in regular mud, or the mud that results from ass-fucking?

Posted by: Radical Redneck on May. 28, 2005

Issues? What issues?

I reviewed my copy of "Cobb" several times in the past week, and as you know, "A man's friends never care what he says or does".

Posted by: Casca on May. 28, 2005

Wow, RR, you resisted the temptation to link that Ted Rall picture. i'm so proud of you!


Posted by: annika on May. 28, 2005

worst film of year for Jude? I've not yet seen it.
Were there any likable characters in Closer? You know, in the play, Natalie Portman's character is heartbroken and kills herself at the end.
Why'd they change it and make her a player?

Posted by: lighterate on May. 28, 2005

likeable characters in Closer? Not really, but i still liked that movie a lot. And of course there's Alfie, where the plan was for Alfie to be really likeable (instead he got really annoying by the middle of the movie) and that didn't save the movie.

by the way, anyone who hasn't seen the original Michael Caine version of Alfie needs to head straight to Blockbuster tonight...

go now. i mean it.

Posted by: annika on May. 28, 2005


Have you ever considered that it is hard to take an imperative issued in lower case without capitals and exclamation marks seriously?

I hope that when you are submitting briefs to the Court that you may reconsider your stylish ways.

Sometimes the message gets lost between the messenger and the intended recipient.

That having been said, you are right, right, right!


Posted by: shelly on May. 29, 2005

everybody's a critic.


Posted by: annika on May. 29, 2005

Annika, do u remember what was said in that "anti-Christian" jab?

Yes, Hollywood is indeed one "tolerant" place.

Posted by: Mark on May. 29, 2005

Oh thank you Annie, my roommate and I watched that movie I while ago, and I seriously considered throwing the TV out the window and never watching movies again, it was that bad.
My favorite thing about it is reading the forums on imdb.com, where everyone loves it and says basically if you don't you are too stupid to "get it".

Huckabees takes a place next to "Natural Born Killers" as two movies that showcase the absolute worst self-indulgent tripe that can be made.


Posted by: Rob on May. 30, 2005

Yes, Rob. From the first minute, the movie was intended as an inside joke for people who "get it." It really makes no attempt to appeal to non-meditators, who aren't into yoga and karma and all that shit. But the joke is on them, because i did get it, having done my time with one of those new agey dudes, who dragged me to all his meetings and tried to get me into that crap. So i was familiar with the message of the movie, and i'm not stupid and it still sucked.

Posted by: annika on May. 30, 2005

Could not have said it better. That movie suck-diddly-ucked.

Posted by: Dawn Summers on May. 31, 2005

TOTALLY sucked! Awesome review, tho. Couldn't have said it better myself. I actually saw this junk in the movie theater -- biggest waste of $5.50 ever (thankfully I saw a matinee and didn't waste a whole $8.00 on that garbage).

Posted by: ginger on May. 31, 2005

This is late in coming, but thanks for saving me $9.

Burn Hollywood Burn.

Posted by: Mark on May. 31, 2005

When Schwartzman reads the poem in the very beginning, I just got a whiff of Max Fischer bringing a slight smile to my face.

I only made it to the dinner scene with Jean Smart as the African dude's adoptive mother, then I got the f*** out of Dodge. What a waste of time.

Ever seen the bathos that oozes at "Inside the Actors Studio?" That's what's f***ing wrong with Hollywood.
Imagine John Ford or Sergio Leone or Peckinpah or James Stewart or McQueen or John Wayne sitting with James Lipton??

I can't either.

Posted by: Jason O. on Jun. 1, 2005

Or John Huston, or Clark Gable or Henry Fonda.

McQueen i could see. He was pretty full of himself at times.

Posted by: annie on Jun. 1, 2005

Spot on review. I saw this movie at the dollar theater a few months ago. Not good. Although, I do like the music and I thought Marky Mark did a decent job.

It's a real shame, too, because the writer/director made one of my favorite movies, "Flirting With Disaster."

Posted by: Micah on Jun. 2, 2005