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February 11, 2005

Poll Results

The poll results are in. You've decided that the best replacement for Dan Rather at the CBS Evening news is actor Keanu Reeves. With 63% of the vote, support for Mr. Reeves was more than five times that of his closest competitor, über-news-tart Kiki Couric.

Mr. Reeves' journalistic credentials are unclear, however many experts believe that CBS executives should not worry about a lack of news experience, given the current state of the CBS Nightly News' ratings and credibility.

Keanu Reeves, 40, is perhaps best known for his role as Neo, the stoic hero of the Matrix film trilogy. His other credits include Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, in which he played Ted, and Speed, opposite co-stars Dennis Hopper and Sandra Bullock. Others may remember Mr. Reeves best for his early starring role with River Phoenix in the 1991 film My Own Private Idaho.

Mr. Phoenix could not be reached for comment.

Posted by annika, Feb. 11, 2005 |
Rubric: Arts



Posted by: other Annika on Feb. 11, 2005

I can just picture a newscast:

"And this just in . . .

[reads teleprompter, lips moving]

"Woah! Duuuude, that's gnarly!

Posted by: ccwbass on Feb. 11, 2005

I'm sorry that I didn't realize that a vote was going on. I would have voted for the "Dude! You're getting a Dell" guy. ("Woah! Like, bombs and stuff in the Middle East!")

In the 1980s, David Letterman and his staff published a book which, among many other things, suggested that Tom Brokaw should be partnered with a co-anchor: "Velvet, the News Dude."

You've probably already discussed this, but I wonder why CBS was unable to select a permanent anchor, and just grabbed Bob Schieffer. NBC has obviously been grooming Brian Williams to replace Brokaw, but why couldn't CBS do something similar? And who is in line to replace Jennings? (Diane Sawyer might work; she even has a resume that is attractive to the baby seal clubbers.)

Posted by: Ontario Emperor on Feb. 11, 2005

Ontario Emperor, the "dude, you're getting a Dell" guy was an undergrad classmate of mine. I'd say he hasn't gotten any more annoying since then, but only because that's probably physically impossible. Thank God that campaign seems to have ended.

Posted by: Dave J on Feb. 11, 2005