Your absolutely right about this game. It infuriates other countries that we could give a flying ---- about it. I once attended a game in Munich and couldn't believe the stench on the subway on the ride back to the hotel. (Imagine people drinking alot of heavy beer on a very warm day) And I'm half German from what they tell me.

There is a scenario, presented to me the other day, that might wane the rest of the world's appetite for this most boring sport: If the U.S. won the whole damned thing! And we still didn't give a crap or know anything about it, except that we won. This would be the kind of cursory attitude about all things international the rest of the world loves mocking us about. Some believe it will happen in the not too distant future. I hope they're right!

European soccer fans are only interesting in drinking, fighting and vandalism. So they want the game to be as boring as possible so they are not distracted from their real reason for being there.

Soccer in Europe serves the same purpose as Muzak does in our elevators.

Annika,
'
There was a movement in Poland or maybe it was Latvia a few years back, started by the die-hard, hardest drinking, vandalism loving fans, to have the ball removed from play for the entire second period. The local breweries funded the lobbying efforts as did the major vandalism provider, Erotrashit GmbH. THere were a few exibition matches played under the no ball in the second period rule but fans polled after the game claimed not to have noticed anything different. SO, the rule was not adopted or maybe it was.

Seriously, though, I happen to love watching soccer. I think it is tense, athletic and overall quite enjoyable. Those who focus on the fans and their bad behavior are just looking for another opportunity to beat on Europeans and to wave the stars and bars, oops, stripes!

Soccer fits the European way thinking perfectly. Always play defense, ignore offence and hope for a miracle goal. Off the field Europeans always react to crises, never take proactive measures to prevent them and hope for a miracle.

Their soccer attitude caused WWI, WWI and the flourishing of Islamic terrorism. And of course, America had to come in and score the miracle goal and save their existence.

Annika,

I played hockey from kidergarden through my senior year in high school.

Everytime I see one of these pansies get knocked over, pushed, shoved, or tripped I laugh at their reactions - 30-90 seconds of anguish and pain like they just ripped all the ligaments and tendons out of their knee or ankle only for them to hop up and run down the field a moment later.

Hey, Rolando, Ronaldo, whatever your name is...take a hit from someone who weighs 200+ pounds, moving at a much greater rate of speed than anyone can run, take that hit to the chops and have your mug smashed against the boards of a hockey rink, and your mellon bounced off the cold hard ice, and I bet you will never "act" so pathetically after being shoved to the grass again...

I think if they allowed fighting in soccer it would be worth watching.

Go Oilers!!!

Go Jake,

Iraq really looks like a big save. And drinking beer raises your IQ. Anything else you need to know?

hitler played with only one ball!

Any attempts to try and persuade the American television audience that soccer is anything but a painful exercise in boredom is obviously a Communist plot.

(I'd rather watch old re-runs of that guy on PBS who would teach you how to draw - remember him? he had the really huge white man's 'fro and talked really, really, really slowly and very, very quietly. Anyway, that guy drove me fucking nuts, and I'd still rather watch him than soccer.)

p.s. Jake, the first paragraph of your post was classic. Nice work.

Hey - it's better than cricket. Can i get an amen?!

Kyle - no, in cricket the bowler sometimes hits the batter. That's at least 10 times as entertaining as anything that happens on a soccer field.

The problem with soccer is that there is no systematic advancement towards a goal. They get the ball all the way across the field in a few seconds, and then someone power kicks it halfway back down the field. It's a grown up version of keep-away. There's no build-up to a climax, as there is with the 4 down posession system in American football or the advance around the bases in baseball (not that I like baseball, but it's a better game than soccer). And scoring in soccer is much too infrequent - the goal needs to be widened. Hockey suffers from the same drawbacks, but makes up for it with faster action and gratuitous violence.

"hitler played with only one ball!"

Rommel had two but both were small.