...it's not dark yet, but it's gettin' there...

July 08, 2005

Let Me Put On My Leftie Hat For A Second...

Why should we care about what happened in London? Or in Madrid, for that matter? Those terrorists had nothing to do with 9/11. And remember, Great Britain was at one time very bad bad bad, back when they were an empire. A Brit invented the internal combustion engine, remember? Okay, so it was a Swiss guy, but still, they drive on the wrong side of the road. And they have -- gasp -- a national religion! And it's a Christian religion too! Bad bad bad people. Which reminds me, the English were big in the Crusades, weren't they? Okay so there. They deserved it. Plus, Halliburton sounds like an English name to me. Richard Burton was English wasn't he? Welsh? Really? Whatever.

Plus, assuming that the bomb making materials were purchased in British shops, then we should always remember that the British armed those terrorists! And of course, capturing the terrorists who are responsible and putting them in jail might be used as a recruiting tool by other terrorists. Therefore if we go after them, we could end up creating more terrorists!

Anyways, why should we care? The U.N. is on the case now and they will take care of everything. Don't worry. The all-powerful U.N. and their fearless leader Kofi Annan, is on the case! Three cheers for the U.N.!

Just hours after a series of explosions in London, the U.N. Security Council voted unanimously Thursday to condemn the terrorist attacks and vowed to bring those responsible to justice.

Secretary-General Kofi Annan echoed that sentiment.

'These vicious acts have cut us all to the core, for they are an attack on humanity itself,' Annan said in a statement. 'Today, the world stands shoulder to shoulder with the British people.'

A resolution approved by the council condemned 'without reservation the terrorist attacks in London . . .

Hold on just a second. "Without reservation." "Without reservation?" "WITHOUT reservation!" i feel so much better now that the U.N. has decided to withhold reservation from their condemnation. That was a close one. i can't imagine what kind of trouble we'd be in if they had condemned the bombings with reservation. Whew!
. . . and regards any act of terrorism as a threat to peace and security.' It urged all states to cooperate in finding and bringing to justice the perpetrators and expressed the council's 'utmost determination to combat terrorism.'
Heh... they said the word combat. i wonder what "combat" means when the U.N. says it. Might it mean "hope the U.S. does something, so we can go on counting our money in peace?"

[Oops, sorry, i guess my liberal hat fell off there for a second.]

Yay U.N.!

i am also pleased to hear that the great and powerful U.N. has also condemned "in the strongest possible terms" the assassination of the Egyptian ambassador to Iraq. Wow, those boys over at the U.N. have been keeping busy. But that's what they're there for, and i for one am so glad that we can look to the U.N. for this sort of protection whenever terrorists strike.

Posted by annika, Jul. 8, 2005 | TrackBack (2)
Rubric: annikapunditry



Comments

The UN and its worshippers have shown very, very little concern about the terrorist murders of Israelis over the past decades. Their implied tolerance of terrorism--"it's OK if you only do it to Jews"--has unleashed a monster that will be very difficult to destroy and led directly to the atrocity in London.

Posted by: David Foster on Jul. 8, 2005

The last time Kofi used the phrase "without reservations" was when he showed up to Le Cirque without calling ahead. Except that time, he meant it.

Posted by: Trevor on Jul. 8, 2005

when i put my lefty hat on, i agree with michael moore on one thing.
we americans are stooopid.
we don't have the slightest idea what it is to live under a tyrant.
we don't have the slightest idea what the fight for liberty is about.
it didn't just happen two hundred years ago so let's live the life of milk and honey. that's crap.
the struggle for liberty continues every friggin day/night.
there are quotes chiseled into the walls of the capitol walls that are meant to inspire.
the words that are a religion to me are, "the price of freedom is eternal vigilance".
the people of the usa are on an eight hour day.
we are so stooopid we don't have any comprehension of what a true struggle is.
and the people who are trying to prevent what is coming to this country are being vilified.

Posted by: louielouie on Jul. 8, 2005

Hmm a lefty hat.....where do i get one?
I'm dying to know what if feels like to be that weird and not know it!

Posted by: jeff on Jul. 8, 2005

Thats hilarious. I am going to send it out as an email to friends (dont worry you will get full credit).

Posted by: Kyle on Jul. 9, 2005

Nothing is more intimidating, nothing else can correct murderous behavior, like a a strongly worded letter from the United Nations.

Posted by: Mark on Jul. 10, 2005

A nice try, but...

Oh dear. Satire is so hard, isn’t it?

‘Those terrorists had nothing to do with 9/11.’

Well, um, that’s right, actually. It had nothing to do with 9/11. Your very leaders have stated as such. What’s the matter? you don’t believe them? Shame on you.

But you see, when attempting satire its best to pick a topic which the target of the joke believes to be true, not that really is true, as the gag will quickly become,well, a sentence.

Let me demonstrate (excuse me while I don my ‘Righty’ cloak)

‘...and the next thing we know, George Bush will be choking on a pretzel!’

Not quite the barrel of laughs it could have been because, dear reader, he really did (or is that a ‘conspiracy theory’ too?).

‘And remember, Great Britain was at one time very bad bad bad, back when they were an empire.’

Again, very true. Well done.

‘A Brit invented the internal combustion engine, remember? Okay, so it was a Swiss guy, but still, they drive on the wrong side of the road.’

Ha ha. Who said the right can’t do comedy? You guys are a scream. No, really. Combustion engine? Wow! And so...germane..

‘And they have -- gasp -- a national religion! And it's a Christian religion too!'

Well, nearly. They are Anglicans, Ecumenicals, which means that they kinda sorta believe in the bible but only in the vaguest of allegorical senses. But still, we know all strains of Christianity are exactly the same, just like Muslimism (and forgive me for asking but, in your not-so-humble opinion, is ––gasp––national religion a good thing or a bad thing?).


‘Bad bad bad people. Which reminds me, the English were big in the Crusades, weren't they? Okay so there. ‘

There you go again. Comedy is about tension and release, but here you have no tension because the English were, indeed, big in the Crusades. Not a joke but a statement of fact. And as the Muslims were on the receiving end of said Crusades they still bear a grudge. ‘Oh get over it’ I hear you cry, move on’, and fair enough.

Until you guys start bleating about the sanctity of the US constitution (now there’s satire!) and the glorious 4th of July and Pilgrim’s day etc etc, and then maybe the Crusades weren’t that long ago at all.

‘They deserved it. Plus, Halliburton sounds like an English name to me. Richard Burton was English wasn't he? Welsh? Really? Whatever.’

Funny. I mean that.

'Plus, assuming that the bomb making materials were purchased in British shops, then we should always remember that the British armed those terrorists!'

This is good. In your desperation to get one over on the dreaded lefties you manage to actually lampoon your hero of heroes Ronnie Reagan except, of course, that the ‘terrorist’ that Ronnie armed was his and Donnie’s very good friend Saddam and that it is not ‘assumed’ that this is what happened – it’s in the Library Of Congress, folks!

'And of course, capturing the terrorists who are responsible and putting them in jail might be used as a recruiting tool by other terrorists. Therefore if we go after them, we could end up creating more terrorists!'

Yeah, you’re right. Probably better to flatten an extraneous sovereign state and then invade another. That’ll learn ‘em!
(See that? That was sarcasm. You might like to try it some day. Good luck!)

'Anyways, why should we care? The U.N. is on the case now and they will take care of everything. Don't worry. The all-powerful U.N. and their fearless leader Kofi Annan, is on the case! Three cheers for the U.N.!'

Three cheers indeed! The U.N. could be ‘all powerful’ if the USA wished it to be, which it does on occasion. But how can you base the decision to invade a sovereign state on the fact that said state ‘violated’ U.N. Resolution number whatever when you hold the U.N. to be immaterial?

Anyhoo, once Bush and his courageous buddies have got thier jollies in Iraq, the U.N. will come in to save the day. The USA cannot stay there forever – they can’t afford it. Still, it’s nice to know that you care so much for the immortal souls of our Muslim cousins that you are prepared to bankrupt the USA in order to save them.


‘Heh... they said the word combat. i wonder what "combat" means when the U.N. says it.’

Thankfully, not what you mean.

‘Might it mean "hope the U.S. does something, so we can go on counting our money in peace?"’

Hmmm. How many billions does the USA owe the UN in unpaid dues again? Or maybe it means “hope we can get some aid and diplomacy up and running before those blundering yanks start stomping all over the place and blowing up whomever they happen to be mad at this week”


[Oops, sorry, i guess my liberal conservative hat fell off there for a second.]

'i am also pleased to hear that the great and powerful U.N. has also condemned "in the strongest possible terms" the assassination of the Egyptian ambassador to Iraq. Wow, those boys over at the U.N. have been keeping busy. But that's what they're there for, and i for one am so glad that we can look to the U.N. for this sort of protection whenever terrorists strike'

Q. I say, I say, I say!What’s the difference between Isreal and Iraq?

A. Iraq only ignored one UN resolution!

A. !5 years of US military funding!

A. Oil!

A. WMD!

A. Religion!

I could continue, but sometimes satire is trumped by reality.

(For a definition of the word ‘reality’ please consult nearest welfare recipient. Or citizen of Iraq.)

Cheers

Elroy

Posted by: Elroy on Jul. 11, 2005

"Vade post me Satana scandalum es mihi quia non sapis ea quae Dei sunt sed ea quae hominum."

Posted by: annika on Jul. 11, 2005

I love it when you speak Swedish.

Posted by: Elroy on Jul. 13, 2005