...it's not dark yet, but it's gettin' there...

August 13, 2004

Olympic Play-By-Play - Opening Ceremonies

[an experiment in contemporaneous blogging]

. . . i despise Katie Kouric. i really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really despise her . . .

. . . i just turned the thing on. What's up with the glowing pregnant chick? That shit is straight up weirding me out . . .

. . . Kouric's tone of voice is soooo condescending. She talks down to the viewing audience like we're a bunch of fucking babies. God she's annoying. She almost makes me not mind the short guy. What's his name? . . .

. . . Costas . . .

. . . Interesting that Bulgaria sent an all male contingent of athletes this year . . .

. . . i'm sure the German team didn't mind following the French team in the parade of nations. Germans are very used to seeing the backs of Frenchmen . . .

. . . Cool, no boos for the Americans. But what's up with that music? Is that a techno version of Albinoni's Adagio? Couldn't they have picked a happier tune for the parade? . . .

. . . i've heard from Europeans that we Americans walk differently and we're easy to pick out from a crowd because of the way we carry ourselves. It doesn't matter what we wear, either. i can't put my finger on the difference, but i see it when i look at our team. It's almost like an optimism, if it's possible to exude optimism while walking . . .

. . . Best looking guys so far have been on the Bosnia-Herzegovinian and Irish teams . . .

. . . Italy too . . .

. . . i bet that blue haired Cameroonian chick was pissed when she saw the blue haired Italian chick steal her idea . . .

. . . Del Harris?! What the fuck are you doing on the Chinese team? He's the Manchurian coach! i hope no one shows him the queen of diamonds. Damn traitor . . .

. . . Time for another beer . . .

. . . The Iraqi team got a nice reception too. That's very cool . . .

. . . The Cook Island team wins the gold for having the most fun during the parade of nations. i wanna party with those guys . . .

. . . More blue hair. This time on a Mexican chick . . .

. . . That guy carrying the flag of Mauritania looks like the black dude from Gladiator . . .

. . . The Brits are all dressed like they just came from the Village. (not Shyamalan's village . . . McGoohan's) . . .

. . . The Olympic Stadium really was worth waiting for. It is spectacularly beautiful . . .

. . . But is there anything more boring than an Olympic opening ceremony? Maybe an Olympic closing ceremony . . .

. . . Still, it is amazing when you think that the Olympics were invented in that exact place, three thousand years ago . . .

. . . AθHNA . . .

. . . Now here come the runners, passing off what appears to be the largest fattie spliff ever rolled . . .

. . . Holy shit. At first i thought the dude was using that fattie to chain light the world's most gigantic joint. But then, as the torch slowly began to rise, it's true symbolism became obvious. Those perv Greeks built a huge working replica of an erect phallus! . . .

. . . i think i'm blushing . . .

Posted by annika, Aug. 13, 2004 |
Rubric: Sports


The Aussies have the same walk. I didn't notice it on anyone else, but I didn't stay to the end.

Posted by: Erik on Aug. 13, 2004

i don't doubt that at all.

Posted by: annika! on Aug. 13, 2004

I was kind of wondering :)

I've heard that thing about how Americans walk before, and I've always thought that Americans walk just like everybody else... But the only "everybody else" I'm familiar with is Aussies.

Posted by: Pixy Misa on Aug. 14, 2004

I am not sure if its fortunate or unfortunate - but yes Americans are known throughout the world - immediately. Spot us from the way we dress - to the way we walk - to our fat. You can walk into a crowded club, restaurant - and you can pick us out immediately. Its not optimism. Its cockiness. The only people cockier than Americans are the British. And then there are the Aussies. All British colonies.

Sometimes it makes you proud. Sometimes its embarrassing. Especially Americans abroad for the first time.

"You know in America - McDonalds is HUGE..."
"You know in America - everything is NEWER..."
"Thats so stupid - why do Europeans do it that way... In America - we do it this way - and its BETTER..."

Shit, you are not in America. Sigh.

Posted by: gsj on Aug. 14, 2004

my mom said stuff like that when she visited me in England. And she's Danish!

Posted by: annika on Aug. 14, 2004

Here is a difference I have found between American and European women:

When you walk down the street and look an American woman in the eye and smile, most of the time (young or old), she will smile back.

If you do the same thing to an European woman, she will look at the ground and not change her expression.

European women must feel oppressed.

Posted by: Jake on Aug. 14, 2004

Maybe if your fly wasn't open....

Posted by: Casca on Aug. 15, 2004


Posted by: annika! on Aug. 15, 2004

A friend of mine and his wife went on an overseas trip with a group of Brits, and the Brits were openly hostile to my friends, being Americans. They made the trip really miserable for them, and my friends couldn't figure out why. One of the guys actually had the guts to tell them why: "When we first met you, you guys were laughing and having a good time...you were happy. And that really, is annoying." Then he said "Another reason we don't like you is because we do everything first, but you do it better."

I can't believe the guy was so candid, but also, so petty in the first place? They didn't like the Americans because "they were happy"??

Posted by: Neil Uchitel on Aug. 15, 2004

Imagine being happy while at the Olympics. God knows how long and how much effort it took to actually qualify.

As of this writing, Americans lead in the medal count with 39. Not to be cocky, of course.

Posted by: Mark on Aug. 19, 2004