annika's Advice For California Voters

Hey all you California voters. Tomorrow is Super Tuesday! Now that California has changed it's primary election date from June to March, we get to take part in the festivities. Not only that, but we all get to use newfangled "modern" voting methods. Like here in L.A. County, where we'll be using a pen and paper. That's progress!

Here are my instructions for tomorrow's vote. Feel free to print out this post and take it into the booth with you.

President of the United States: If you're a Republican, as i am, vote for George W. Bush. He's the only one on there, so that should be easy. If you're a Democrat, vote for John Edwards. i would, if i were a Democrat.

United States Senator: Republicans, vote for Bill Jones. Democrats, i don't know what to tell you. Since Barbra Boxer is your only choice, leave it blank.

United States Representatives, State Senators, State Assemblymen: You're on your own with those.

Judges: Vote for judges with the most republican sounding occupations, like "criminal prosecutor," "police sergeant" or "victim's rights advocate." Stay away from any civil attorneys and professors.

Los Angeles County District Attorney: After Reiner and Garcetti, hell, anybody looks good. Vote for the incumbent DA, Steve Cooley.

Proposition 55: Yet another school bond. This time it's for kindergarten all the way through college. Twelve billion dollars for the same old shit they hit us up for every year: repair old schools, relieve overcrowding, build new classrooms, yada yada yada. i'd be more sympathetic if i didn't see a school bond measure on every single election ballot. This one is huge, though. Arnold is begging us to pass Prop 57, which is a 15 billion dollar bond just to pay the bills. There's no way we can afford another 12 billion on top of that. And anyways, i always vote no on all bond issues (except prison bonds). Vote no.

Proposition 56: This one makes me laugh. Currently our legislature must have a two thirds majority vote before they can raise our taxes. It's one of the bedrock requirements of the tax reforms enacted in the 70's. And the liberals hate it. Prop 56 will lower the two thirds requirement to 55%. Are they nuts? There's no way i wanna make it easier for the California Legislature to continue their spending spree. Vote hell no.

Proposition 57: This is Arnold's baby. He didn't have the guts to fix our budget the way McClintock suggested, with hard cuts, workers' compensation reform and tax relief. So Arnold decided we needed to borrow a little money instead. "Little" in this case is the aforementioned fifteen billion dollars. Well, i voted for Arnold because i wanted to see some drastic spending cuts made. He warns us that if Prop 57 does not pass, he will be forced to make "Armageddon" spending cuts. Yeah! That's music to my ears! Tough love, baby! Vote an emphatic no!

Proposition 58: This is the California Balanced Budget Act, version 2.0. It seems we passed what we thought was a balanced budget proposition a few years ago, but it didn't work. So this is the newer version, with new patches and updates. Hopefully it will work better than the latest Windows updates. Vote yes.